Commiserations to out-of-cash Blues fans
1. Name your child Robinho and plead ignorance.
2. Have your name changed by deed poll. That goes for you too, Roman Robinho.
3. Use it as a duster – it’s the right colour anyway.
4. Rip the R, N, H and O off and pretend you went for John OBI Mikel.
5. Storm into Abramovich’s office, slap him round the face with it and demand a refund.