On the pitch, of course

A doctor at a Brazilian football club is planning on giving a new meaning to feeling stiff after a match by plying his players with Viagra. Gremio quack Alarico Endres reckons the sex drug could be used to improve players’ performance in games at altitude. The doctor hinted he has a lightbulb moment while perusing a dirty mag.

He said: “Viagra increases and improves the blood circulation. It therefore can improve the performances of players at high altitude. I had this illumination by reading a magazine, which wasn’t a medical one: so we decided to elaborate this topic with a scientific test, and now we shall also give an indication to the technical commission.”

The theory has not been tested yet, but Gremio are hoping to trial the pill when they next play at altitude. As our friends at The Offside point out, at the very least it is probably going to guarantee that strikers stop backing into Gremio defenders.