1. Cristiano Ronaldo has not only agreed to join the club, he signed the contract in his blood.
2. We are going to build a team of Galacticos once again, but this time it will be more expensive and more successful.
3. Juande Ramos will not be our manager next season.
4. Juande Ramos will not be our manager next week.
5. We will sign Kaka for half the price Manchester City were going to pay.
6. Jose Mourinho will be our new manager.
7. We will be the clean and uncorrupt regime that Real Madrid needs.
8. We will send Ruud Van Nistelrooy to the glue factory.
9. We will sign Nemanja Vidic, but he won’t even get into our first-team squad. We will allow him to join our security staff.
10. We will win the Champions League next season without fail.