1. Steven Gerrard has received an ABH in the New Year’s Honours list.
2. Steven Gerrard has allegedly attacked a DJ after getting frustrated by his rotation system.
5. Liverpool have backed captain Steven Gerrard to continue to lead the club out of the tunnel… just as soon as he has dug it.
6. Where does Steven Gerrard go for a fight? The Lunge Inn.
7. Did you hear Steven Gerrard has been arrested for assault? Thankfully, Graham Sankey has come forward to confess to the attack, whilst 20,000 Scousers have testified that they saw Gerrard asleep in his bed at the time.
8. Rafa Benitez has launched a shock bid for Joey Barton. Apparently, he wants a like-for-like inside attacking midfielder should Steven Gerrard get sent down.
9. Steven Gerrard was quoted as saying it could have been more after Liverpool hit five past Newcastle, so he hit a sixth in Southport.
10. Steve Gerrard, Gerrard,
He scores from 40 yards,
He getting five years behind bars,
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard.