The Mike Ashley seven-step plan to stop being the most reviled man in football

Posted by - February 26, 2009 - Lists, Newcastle United

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1. Disappear for a few months. Seeing your ugly mug every week is not going to help people to stop being repulsed by you.

2. Come back. Make it clear that nobody else wants to take over from you. You are the only option.

3. Spend £4.5 million on the club you were desperate to sell by bringing in an out-of-form midfielder.

4. Encourage said midfielder to get sent-off, preferably for a tackle which could have broken his opponent’s leg.

5. Sit back and watch the public outcry against the tackle. Has the midfielder replaced you as the most reviled man in football?

6. Better to be safe than sorry. Make it publicly known that you personally coughed up the money to bring in the dirty, out-of-form midfielder, and that you have spent a further £5.5 million of your own money to keep the club afloat.

7. Voilà! You are no longer the most reviled man in football.