Keep off the grass!
A Manchester United groundsman has revealed he found a player sunbathing under the UV lighting used to help the Old Trafford grass grow. The groundsman refused to name the culprit but described the incident as his highlight of the year.
Not a great deal of intuition is required to point the finger of suspicion in a pretty likely direction. In this case, being caught orange-thighed is probably the equivalent of being caught red-handed and that means you Cristiano Ronaldo.
I think it is probably safe to rule out Paul Scholes and Richard Eckersley in any case. Any other suspects you would like to throw into the mix?