Since new Newcastle United manager Alan Shearer has poached fellow BBC pundit Iain Dowie to be his assistant, OTP decided that plans could be afoot to move all of the Beeb’s football team to St James’s Park. We thought we would help Shearer out by creating a few positions for his mates (just like Mike Ashley did for Dennis Wise).
Academy coach: Alan Hansen
You don’t win anything with kids, you carefully groom them to be winners in the future!
Executive director (finance): Adrian Chiles
Well, he does know all about money and business from presenting the Beeb’s Working Lunch.
Defensive coach: Mark Lawrenson
Briefly held this title for the Magpies during the Kenny Dalglish years, so he has unfinished business. And this time Hansen will be able to tell him where he is going wrong.
Community development officer: Alan Pardew
Pardew will be able to create links with vulnerable members of the community and get them involved in the club.
Disciplinary adviser: Gary Lineker
Who better to sort out Newcastle’s bad boys than the man who was never booked or sent-off during his career? (Well we couldn’t appoint him heading coach, could we?!)