Newcastle put up for sale by email

Posted by - June 9, 2009 - All News, Newcastle United, Oddballs

If you’ve got £100 million and a Hotmail account, Magpies could be yours

Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has proved once and for all that he has less class than the knee-high white Donnay socks he flogs at Sports Direct by putting the club up for sale by email. A statement on Newcastle’s official website (talk about washing your dirty linen/Donnay sports socks in public) informed visitors that they too could bid for the club by emailing or contacting Keith Harris at Seymour Desperation Pierce. As far as we know, bids made to Orville will not be accepted.

As you can see, Newcastle’s adserver delivered a beautiful immediate response to the statement, albeit in Spanish. The internet is already rife with examples of some of the emails rival fans have taken delight in sending to the email address. Read some of the best emails reported to have been sent and add your own after the jump.

“I would like to lodge an official bid to buy NUFC. The amount I am offering is £10. Should I be successful, I will be appointing myself as team manager, as I am currently in a management role in the Peterlee Sunday League.”

“The amount I am offering is 2 x upper concourse seats for the Oasis concert at the Stadium of Light and a Curly Wurly.”

“I’d like to bid £325 to buy Newcastle. Thanks, Jimmy Nail.”

“I would like to make a formal offer to buy Newcastle United football club. Unfortunately, given the current chaotic state of the club, as a result of the shambolic management practices of Mr Ashley’s regime, I think you have set the price too high. My financial backers inform me that an offer of £50 pounds is about the correct evaluation. Of course, I accept that given the history of the club, its marvellous fan base and potential future earnings that this offer might seem a little low. However, you must realise that your current regime has put all of this at risk, and continues to make the club a laughing stock. Good jokes, even from the best comedians, are not that expensive.”

And the best you’ve got?

  • Dan Gibbs

    I would like to buy newcaste football club for a sum total of £246.78.
    I think my knowledge and understanding of football would benefit the club greatly and bring them back from the championship.
    My first act as owner would be to appoint Josh Morris as manager, he would get the belief back into the players; i would then appoint Alan Shearer as striker, he will be God again; myself as centre back and Gary Jones in goal.
    I would like to put forward a 75p bid for a Newtown High School Student Danny Barker, as he is Ronaldo in dusguise.

    Thankyou for your time.
    Yours sincerely,
    Dan Gibbs.

  • Gary Jones

    Hello, I think this is a sensational bid, I think that we could take Newcastle to the top of the Premiership

  • Mohamed S.

    10 quid says that the man who will buy newcastle will look eerily similar to the man who attemtped to buy Portsmouth.

  • Usama

    20 quid on the man looking eerily similar to the man who bought ManCity.

  • lee mack

    i hope no1 buys newcastle and mr ashley dose an insurance job on st james park so i can drive throw from BORO every day and piss on its ashes

  • Dan Gibbs

    i do realise this isn’t a stie in which to purchase the club i just forgot to put speech marks around my previous comment as that is what i eamailed in.

  • pk

    We should have a Newcastle monopoly board. Go directly to the brink, don’t pass the championship, don’t get a sheik-up, just go bust already!

  • sir adam

    £95m is only offer i can give

  • Atyansh

    I would like to offer 30£ for the club.
    My sources have have informed me that 10£ would be sufficient but I would like to offer a raised price as it would give me a better chance to succeed in my bidding.

    If I succeed, I would make myself as the manager and also as a goalkeeper.
    And then I will only score own goals in every game so that Newcastle get relegated to league one.

    And then I would sell the club for 40£ and make a profit of 10£ .


  • Mic

    I’ll give him my copy of FM 2009 and my data of Newcastle FC where they’re a top 4 club, surely seeing as I can do it on a game, he’d be stupid not to accept, play the game as he tried to in real life and see where he went wrong, ofcourse i’ll be correcting his mistakes and he’ll have my data with Newcastle as what he imagined them being. Win-win.

  • Mark Wright / Tom Lyall

    me and my conpatratriate would like to make a substancial bid of £23.63. we feel that we would do an even better job of running the club into the ground. we would bring the fans favourite titus bramble back but play him upfront, along side steven harper, michael owen and alan shearer would switch roles as michael cant really play football and would only spend the season on the bench anyway.
    we may have to reduce our offer due to the fact that their is huge credit crunch and to be fair, the club aint that great anyways.
    yours sincerly SAFC

  • Matthew Wheatley

    i would like to offer mike ashley a twix and a sausage roll for newcastle united im a man united fan and plan great success in the scrap yard for this broke down pub football team if my bid is rejected i will be tempted to give you my un-wanted pokemon cards 🙂 considering we are in the credit cruch i consider my offer to be very good.

    yours sincerly


  • Ted Baker

    I would like to offer you my Girlfriend in return for Newcastle United Football Club.

    Please contact me on 0794get it for further details.