German news agency ponders moon football
It is football’s silly season and one news agency has filled the gaping holes in its editorial content by investigating the possibility of football being played on the moon. Deutsche Welle’s findings suggest Stoke and Bolton could be just a short spaceship journey from football domination.
The article states: “In comparison, the moon has one sixth of the earth’s gravity. That would have amazing effects: What might be a neat 60 m cross on Earth could easily turn into a 350 meter volley up on the moon. The ball could reach a height of 50 meters – and it would stay up in the air much longer.”
Run-of-the-mill stuff for Britannia Stadium regulars. You also have to wonder precisely how long Rory Delap’s long throw would be up there!
The article continues: “When the ball hits down into the thick moon dust, lots of energy would be lost – the bouncing effect would be far less pronounced compared to the bounce on the hallowed turf of the terrestrial world cup. Tough for dribbling wizards like Ronaldo or Ballack: there’s no atmosphere on the moon, and they couldn’t rely on their swerve. Little artistry with lunar football and a very different aesthetics.”
So the ball is going to be in the air for long periods, dribbling is virtually impossible. This sounds like Tony Pulis heaven. If only… oh, hang on: “There’s no air, which means there’s no medium to carry sound. So no one will hear the ref’s whistle. For once: No wrong off-side whistles, no irritating interruptions of the lunar match while the thrill of the game is at it’s climax.”
No referee’s whistle. Stoke City – Lunar Champions League winners 2022?