Erm, the thing was… what happened… was…erm…

1. Wasps
The news broke yesterday evening that Juventus captain Fabio Cannavaro had tested positive for the banned substance cortisone. The club immediately defended themselves and their player, claiming that he had been injected after being stung by a wasp.

2. Cough medicine
Sheffield United keeper Paddy Kenny is currently serving a nine-month ban after testing positive for ephedrine. The Republic of Ireland international claimed Maradona’s second favourite drug came to be in his system after he took a cough medicine.

3. Memory
Rio Ferdinand infamously missed Euro 2004 as a result of a missed drugs test. The Manchester United defender claimed he had forgotten that he had to attend the test because he was busy buying bed linen.

4. Ramadan
Like Ferdinand, Manchester City midfielder Christian Negouai missed a drugs test. He was let off with a £2,000 fine after arguing that giving the urine sample would have caused him to break Ramadan as he would have had to drink first.

5. The postman
Ex-Coventry City striker Michael Mifsud found himself in a spot of bother during his days with Norwegian outfit Lillestrom. Authorities intercepted an overseas package sent to Mifsud’s home address which was jam-packed with banned substances. Police and doping authorities accepted that Mifsud had not ordered the parcel and knew nothing about it.

6. Marco Borriello
The AC Milan striker was banned in 2007 after testing positive for prednisolone and prednisone. Like Cannavaro he blamed a sting, but of a completely different kind. He said the banned substances were in a cream WAG Belen Rodriguez had given him to rub into his penis to clear up a nasty STI she had kindly infected him with!