I hate football!

Posted by - January 22, 2010 - Championship, Ranting and Raving

The angry rant of a mildly disgruntled QPR fan

This hilarious, if worryingly accurate, rant on the state of football is doing the rounds (thanks to Russ Anderson for sending it our way) after being posted on an internet forum by a QPR fan.

He rants: “I take more pleasure in seeing Chelsea lose than I do in seeing QPR win at the moment. I sat through so many matches when we were absolute dog**** under the likes of Ray Harford and with people like Paul Bruce, Matthew Brazier and Mark Perry in the squad and I never felt like this.

The club isn’t ours anymore but moreso than that – football is just properly gash these days. I mean really gash.

football generally. I hate nearly everything about it these days….

I hate the Prem and the myth that it is exciting this year. Man City breaking into the top four isn’t exciting. They spent loads of money. It’s no more exciting that Nameless **** getting to number 1 in the charts after winning the X-Factor.

I hate the myth of Arsene’s kids. Buying some French kid when he’s 17, playing him in the League Cup and then selling him when he’s 20 after about 3 appearances in the league is NOTHING SPECIAL.

I hate hearing about Liverpool/Man Utd’s debt but nothing ever happening about it. A club needs to go to the wall for the money thing to change but it doesn’t happen. Why the **** are Charlton, Leeds and Southampton still in business?

I hate Frank Lampard’s stupid ****ing face. I hate John Terry being England captain when he’s CLEARLY AN OAF.

I hate young exciting wingers who have nothing but pace. Tony Scully had nothing but pace.

I hate Harry ****ing Redknapp. And Jamie Redknapp. And Louise Redknapp. And the Wii.

I hate Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer.

I hate Garth Crooks.

I hate Garth Brooks a lot for that matter.

I hate Sky Sports.

I hate that when a lower league player beats 10 players and chips the keeper it doesn’t matter but if Rooney scores from more than 20 yards it’s amazing.

I hate that female sports journos are now mandatory.

I hate Mark Lawrenson for not coming out. ‘I do like a big man at the back’. I bet you do.

I hate any advert that portrays football to be about anything other than pain and disappointment.

I hate Lee Hughes and the fact that he makes a living from the game. I hate Marlon King and any team that signs him when he gets out. I hate that it’ll probably be us.

I hate Phil Brown.

I hate ‘well the ball is a lot lighter now and will cause goalkeepers real problems this summer’ before EVERY ****ING TOURNAMENT!

I hate that Kieron Dyer earned more in the time I took to write this post than I’ll earn this month.

I hate Adrian Durham, Ian Wright and Alan Brazil.

I hate Gazza. Either die or shut up. Stop ****ing lingering.

I hate Leeds.

I hate Roy Keane.

I hate grown men wearing football shirts of their team whilst shopping on a Saturday when their team is playing at home.

I hate that I don’t hate Roy Hodgson.

I hate Jermaine Beckford and any player who has neck tattoos.

I hate songs being inappropriately taken as club anthems and then sung in a manly way. ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles….’. Gaylords.

I hate Danny Dyer and anyone he’s ever interviewed.

I hate the book ‘Cass’ by Cass Pennant. It is honestly the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Chapter 1: Millwall. ‘Yeah we took 50 to Millwall. They had 1000 in their mob but we ran ’em up and down the street’.

Chapter 2: Liverpool . ‘Yeah we took 50 to Liverpool . They had 2000 in their mob but we ran ’em up and down the street’. **** me… Jade Goody’s autobiography is probably better. Even her non-ghost written one.

I hate that all good youngsters end their careers at Spurs before they start.”

If the author is Chris Charles, we expect a full confession in today’s Review of the Week.

As for you, OTP fans, do you have anything to add? What do you hate about football today?

  • englandsnumber6

    I ****ing hate you, you special needs numpty, you miss the point of being a football fan and supporting a local team, you are a million miles away from understanding what it is to support a football team. Go and see your doctor and get the right meds for your condition, none of us wants to LIKE footy, no one WANTS to suffer its not our fault, i wish i was never introduced to the game when i was a kid, but thats what makes us fans, so stop moaning, or start watching NFL or ice hockey, or something equally as gay.

  • anton1r

    I hate the diving.
    I hate the running up to the ref when you don’t get a decision your way.
    I hate the shirt pulling.
    I hate how if you touch the keeper in the box it’s almost automatically a foul.
    I hate how managers moan at the 4th officials.
    I hate how FIFA refused to punish Henry for blatant cheating.
    I hate the short and the out swinging corners.
    I hate Gary Neville, for much the same reasons as Carlos Tevez does.
    I hate the long ball so much that a little bit of me dies inside every time one is played.
    I hate the wingers who can’t cross the road never mind the ball.

  • Gregoir

    This guy is awesome

  • Arsenal235

    i hate u and ur stupid ideas
    i hate tottenham
    i hate ashley cole
    i hate emmanuel adebayor
    i hate man city
    i hate mark hughes
    i hate david bentley
    i hate the fact no one can make proper tackles anymore
    i hate martin o’neill
    i hate cheats
    i hate rafa benitez
    i hate torres and gerrard
    and i hate harry and jamie redknapp

  • Super Leeds

    Ooh, I’m glad you hate Leeds, I thought that was going out of fashion!! Look out, we’re on a our way back.

    Grow up, stop supporting QPR and get a life! If anything you should hate Flavio Briatore and him alone but no not you, you’re too thick!

  • West Country Hoop

    I hate the song ‘we want our Rangers back’ even though i actually do
    I hate the anticipation
    the lies
    the failure
    the lack of care for the fan who pays only £20 even though its more like £35
    the sale of players that go elsewhere and succeed
    i hate that the last memorable chant that resonates in my head is ‘who needs Sol Campbell when we have Shittu’
    i hate the miming on X-Factor
    I hate the wii also
    i hate sweetcorn as it comes out in the same form as it went in
    I like louise redknapp (in a boy/girl way)
    i like Mungo Jerry
    I hate watching men in charge of football teams getting huge pay offs for failure
    I hate watching QPR go through more managers than Jim Mc Manager from Managersgate, Managerville, Managersee winner of the world manager competition
    I hate Cardiff (standard)

  • Joe

    I agree with a lot of what’s mentioned. But really…I just hate the cheating and diving. Stamp that out and I can live with the rest…and if it ever comes to the point that I can’t I’ll just stop watching rather than writing a long wail about all the things I hate.

    Not to be sanctimonious but, anyone who’s not been stuck in an earthquake this week doesn’t have much to complain about.

  • http://www.diehardgamefan.com Mohamed S.

    I hate Sepp Blatter. He is the root of nearly 50% of these problems.

    But I like the Wii.

  • gamblos

    I hate Cardiff too.

    good shout.

  • Joe

    I hate that QPR ’supporters’ feel it’s ok to boo the team at Loftus Rd whenever things aren’t going ‘according to plan’ on the pitch…

    First off – according to who’s plan? Fans’ expectations are FAR too high to begin with. We may have BEEN a big club, but we are aren’t anymore. The only way to ensure getting back to the ‘big time’ is surely by supporting the team in a positive manner when things aren’t going right.
    Secondly, believe it or not – booing DOES affect the players, and can only have a detrimental effect on the performance, not a positive one.
    This has been proven time & time again down Loftus Rd, with proven (good) players looking shocking because of an absence of confidence – but do you blame them for having no confidence when you’ve got 5,ooo odd quintessential planks booing them on a regular basis.

    Just think, how would you perform at work with your colleagues/boss/postmen/tea-lady’s/general passers- launching a tirade of abuse at you for every move your made- telling you that you’re sh*t…?
    Actually, probably pretty well considering the people in question are mindless idiots, who’d be doing well to have a job in the first place. No offence.

    I also hate the fact that these same complete morons still have the audacity to chirp up when “loyal supporters” get’s sung…

  • Josh

    I hate that I agree

  • Dave Macbeth

    Nothing to do with football but i hate the Wii too. The whole idea of gaming surely is that you lounge around not moving for hours, maybe occasionally lifting your arm to take a sip of your beer if you want to treat yourself. You dont want to be arsing around jumping up and down and waving your arms about do you. If you wanted to do that go play badminton down the local leisure centre. The Wii is only popular with kids and women- and it is a proven FACT that neither kids nor women know anything about what makes a good gaming experience.

  • John

    I hate clubs who dont spend their own money!!

    All that Chelsea have won in the last 6 odd years has fuck all to do with them – Nothing without at Roman, and no reflection on their ability as a football club. The same will soon be said about Citeh.

    Absolute joke, spend your own money – or dont brag about success that isnt actually yours!

  • Jim

    The beautiful game turned out ugly,
    it’s just a game…. And that’s that !
    Just support your country and to he’ll with the others.

  • Jim

    And… As a loyal QPR supporter… *uck all the other
    London clubs, I just wanna see us win !!
    With a manager that stays longer than a month !

  • NormanD

    I don’t hate football.
    I hate the world cup hysteria being rammed down my throat – every day – every radio programme – every second moment on TV.
    I hate the pr***s who spend a fortune on their crap shirts and track suits – and think they look the dogs bo**ocks.
    I hate the tradesman who comes to fix my leaking pipe / deliver a parcel / take my rubbish away; who ask “Did you see the match last night , mate, what great goal!”. To be honest, I hate anyone who calles me mate. I have no desire to f**k a total stranger and defy the laws of natural progenitation.
    I hate the broken flags discarded at the side of the road, together with the dozens of empty beer cans tossed from white van windows.
    I really, really hate the obese blokes, with their muffin tops, bottoms and middles, who suffer the delusion of being stand-ins for whoever is considered to be the footie pin up of the moment – a shell suit does not make you look cool – just a pr**t.
    I pity Rooney, who has to go through life looking as he does.
    Come to think of it, all the above makes me think I should hate football, but what’s the point, it’s boring, pointless, played by a bunch of so-called men who seem to get great pleasure from hugging and kissing each other. I’d rather spend the 90 minutes curled up in bed with my beloved – a score very time.

  • Nihlus

    I hate how it’s just not fun anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. Running my guts out and getting yelled at every Sunday. Did this use to be fun?

  • Pantywaist

    November 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm
    All sports bore me to tears but I truly despise football. It represents all that is wrong with masculinity at its most aggressive worst. The only guy that bullied me in high school was one of the football jocks. He would always call me a pussy. Which I always was but so what. My all time favorite activity has always been cross dressing and no doubt my non-athletic wussyness initially prompted the football jocks to target me as a pantywaist. Fortunately my facial structure and appearance was always more pretty rather than handsome and by end of freshman year I had grown my hair past my shoulders, so I’d be the first to admit that I looked like a girl and that not only clearly did not bother me but I could not help but smile whenever anyone would tell me that. Still today, very amusing to me was that right when the football jocks and other guys were starting to lift weights and get all buffed, I faked a weightlifting accident and injury in PE that I was able to use to get a doctor to get me excused from weight training and other typically muscle building PE crap for the remainder of high school. Even before then I had always gone out of my way to avoid all activity that had the potential to build visible arm and upper body muscle because I had firmly decided by age six or so that the most important thing in life to me would always be looking good (my most feminine) in a dress and unquestionably, muscles do not look good in a dress. The second story back deck of our house overlooked the high school athletic field and every day possible I could not wait to get home from school, strip off my boy clothes, do my make-up, then doll up like ‘the girl next door’. Then, while the football jocks were smashing each other up and getting all sweaty and filthy on the field below, I would be all dolled up above on the deck dancing to delightfully girlish tunes such as “I Am Just A Girl” by ABBA, “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story and “How Lovely to be a Woman” from Bye Bye Birdie. And as if that wasn’t delightful enough, there was quite the element of excitement as well since the football jocks did not have a clue I was me or even a boy at all. None of them knew where I lived so they not only just thought I was some swishy girl who danced on her parent’s back deck during their football practice but they made no secret out of the fact that they thought I was a rather attractive girl at that although I’m certain they thought I was no older than junior high or even sixth grade because I always looked much younger whenever I was dressed as a girl. I still love cross dressing more than anything else and I have a ritual I do every Superbowl Sunday: I doll up entirely as a fairy princess and spend the day girly shopping, and every women’s clothing store I go to I introduce myself as: “The Soft Meek Weak Effete and Ever Ever so Very Sweet Testosterone Neutralizing Anti-Football Fairy”.