Prime Minister: Carlo Ancelotti
Looks like he is going to get the Premiership with a very slim majority.
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Harry Redknapp
Budget deficit? ‘Arry’ll soon budge it. We are not sure he would be 100 per cent up front with his policies, but Pini Zahavi is sure to be a senior adviser.
Minister for Rural Affairs: Avram Grant
Visits to out-of-town brothels? Can’t conduct your affairs much more rurally than that.
Secretary of State for International Development: Rafael Benitez
Giving 17-year-old footballers from far flung countries the chance to build new lives away from football in the UK.
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions: Sir Alex Ferguson
Keeps changing his mind about whether he wants to be in work or collect his pension, so he is in the perfect position to oversee both.
Secretary of State for Defence: Brian Laws
If anybody needs to look at the state of his defence it is the Burnley boss.
Foreign Secretary: Roy Hodgson
The Premier League’s best travelled manager and a talented linguist. That is not even mentioning his tours around the Continent this season.
Home Secretary: Tony Pulis
Likes to rule Britannia and more than accustomed to dealing with skirmishes on the home front.
Secretary of State for Health: Sam Allardyce
Used his heart surgery as a mandate to tell the Premier League’s other managers to have a check-up.
Secretary of State for Northern Ireland: Martin O’Neill
Erm… sort of speaks for itself.