Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - November 13, 2010 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

The great predictator

Friday now becomes my favourite day of the working week (of course it was anyway) as I wait with anticipation for Lawro’s musings. I imagine him, fingers moving thoughtfully through moustache, surveying the football scene like a baron looking over his acres.

Matter not, it’s verbal faeces again this week:

Manchester City v Birmingham

“After last year’s brilliant campaign they’ve (Birmingham) found it a bit more difficult, and goals have been a problem for them so far.”

Goals scored by Birmingham last season – 38 in 38 = 1.00 goals per game
Goals scored by Birmingham this season – 14 in 12 = 1.17 goals per game

Newcastle v Fulham

“There have been teams that have gone to St James’ Park and won quite comfortably which before the start of the season you wouldn’t have predicted”

Has there been teams that have gone to Newcastle and won comfortably? They have lost three home games this season. Against Blackburn with eight minutes to go. Against Stoke with five minutes to go. And against Blackpool conceded a sencond goal in the last minute after having thirteen shots on target to Blackpool’s four.

Tottenham v Blackburn

“I can’t believe that Tottenham got booed off at the weekend”

It was Tuesday (edit: someone at the BBC has noticed the gaffe and it has been changed)

West Ham v Blackpool

“However, I really do think that if Blackpool went there and won then, I wouldn’t just fear for West Ham, I would say, “you know what, they’re going to go down”

Well in Lawro’s prediction league, West Ham are sitting in eighth place.

Everton v Arsenal

“They have lost Marouane Fellaini because of his red card against Bolton, but they have been without him for much of this season”

Fellaini has played in ten of Everton’s 14 games this season.

Wigan v West Brom

“West Brom made a good start but they are just going through a bit of an inconsistent patch. They just have to keep going though and I think they’ll be fine this season.”

Funny way of showing that you think they will be fine. Below is the bottom of the Premier League as Lawro sees it after thirteen games:

15 Wigan Athletic 13 -11 12
16 Blackburn Rovers 13 -8 11
17 Fulham 13 -8 11
18 Bolton Wanderers 13 -10 11
19 Blackpool 13 -13 8
20 West Bromwich A 13 -14 7

That’s only a point more than Derby had in 2007/8!

  • Jimbo

    Great post. You should make this a weekly thing. I love the comedy value of Lawro’s predictions too.

  • David

    I support Jimbo. We are fans. Football is the game.

  • FTS

    The weekley article could be called Lawro’s comedy coments!

  • neil

    It’s a good thing that you are so accurate with your predictions. Otherwise, this post would make you look like quite the fool

    Daniel, if I was to go through your posts with the fine comb that you seem to use on Lawro, I’m sure I could rip your content to shreds, given the chance.

    Since you are being so pathetically pedantic, I think I may counter your arguments.

    1. “After last year’s brilliant campaign they’ve (Birmingham) found it a bit more difficult, and goals have been a problem for them so far.”

    Where in this post did he mention that Birmingham found goalscoring easy last year? He simply said the had a brilliant campaign last year, not that they scored freely.

    2. “Has there been teams that have gone to Newcastle and won comfortably?”

    Yes, there have been teams that have won comfortably there. Even though they had more shots than Blackpool, they still lost two nil in a game they would expect to win. Against Blackpool, they were completely outplayed, according to most match reports. (And for future reference, the correct grammar would be: “Have there been teams….” because there is a difference between singular and plural. I know it was a simple typo, but you obviously feel very strongly about these things, as I will point out in point three.)

    3. “I can’t believe that Tottenham got booed off at the weekend”

    Simple typo. Either that, or Lawro isn’t even capable of reading a calendar, let alone have an opinion on something?

    4. Although Marouane Fellaini has played in 10 of Everton’s 14 games, he has been playing as a substitute largely because of his lack of full match fitness.

    5. West Brom are bottom of Lawro’s league, fair enough. But the fact is that they have over achieved incredibly, and even your sensational prediction skills wouldn’t have imagined a win at the Emirates and scoring two goals at Old Trafford.

    Oh and finally, there is a very strong chance that Lawro’s column is ghosted. Ever think of that?

  • biziclop

    Neil, you’re absolutely spot on.

    Since both Daniel and Lawro are paid six-figure sums of licence fee to spout drivel, your point is undoubtedly a valid one.

    Oh, hang on…