Mark Lawrenson’s comedy column

Posted by - November 26, 2010 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

I wanna know what football is, I want Lawro to show me

After Lawro got damn lucky last week by missing our ridicule, this week he is back with a bang. Managing to be reasonably au fait with facts, the man instead gives us a bumper edition of strange opinions:

Bolton v Blackpool

“Blackpool have the total belief that they can stay in the Premier League – and their results have backed this up so far.”

This is true Lawro. But despite the fact that week on week you can alter your views as you see how teams perform, you have Blackpool joint bottom of the table with just eight points and only scoring 12 goals.

Everton v West Brom

“West Brom are in a run of tough games”

OTP would argue that this is nonsense. In four of their last five games West Brom have played:

Blackpool (a) – 15th best home team in Premier League
West Ham (a) – 20th best home team in Premier League
Wigan (a) – 17th best home team in Premier League
Stoke (h) – 12th best away team in Premier League

We would argue that their first nine games was probably the “tough run”, when they played seven of the current top nine in the league

Fulham v Birmingham

“Although Fulham are coming off the back of a heavy defeat against Manchester City last week, Craven Cottage is still a tough place to get a result.”

An easy one this. Fulham are the 16th best home team in the Premier League.

“Andy Johnson has yet to score this season following his return from injury, so maybe this is his chance to put that right.”

Clearly it is a chance to put it right, as any appearance is. However, given that Johnson has not scored a league games for 20 games, has three in 36 and last scored in the Premier League 21 months ago, we’re not sure he is the main man to watch.

Manchester United v Blackburn

“Wayne Rooney is gradually getting his best form back”

Jesus, where to start with this one. Either this is a short term reaction, and Rooney has impressed Lawro in the 124 minutes since he came back from injury, scoring a penalty. And this despite Sir Alex describing him as “rusty”. Or it’s a long-term thought, and Mark genuinely thinks hes on the road to recovery.

Either way, Rooney’s “best form” possibly consisted of a period last season when he scored 26 goals in 24 games. Or the season before when he got 9 in 7. Best form almost certainly doesnt consist of one goal from open play in 23 games for club and country.

Tottenham v Liverpool

“Liverpool are very unattractive away from home, very negative and not pretty to watch.”

The sort of comment that was rumoured to be one of the harbingers of the apocalypse. But don’t worry too much about real life Lawro. Because in your predictions, before this weekend Liverpool had only conceded eight goals (lower than anyone in the current Premier League).

If you only remember one thing that this column ever writes, be it this: Lawro’s prediction of Liverpool losing to Spurs is the first defeat they have suffered this season in his predictions. And he gets a second chance every week.

Obviously, if he correctly calls the result v Spurs, it will be their sixth defeat of the season.

We shouldn’t be surprised. This is the man that predicted Liverpool’s first defeat of the season last season to come on the 16th January, and suffer just two defeats all season.

  • neil

    The Rooney quote aside, I can’t see a single thing wrong with what Lwaro is saying. You are pretty much twisting everything he says, and basing everything you say on predictions he has made in the past.

    Glass houses, stones, etc….

  • Dean Lloyd

    Gotta agree. Very pedantic article.