Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column – Midweek Special

Posted by - November 10, 2010 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

More time for research? No point

It seems a while since we had the excitement of three rounds of Premier League fixtures in eight days. But alongside the added interest and media delights comes the dross (and I am not referring to the first half of Stoke v Birmingham).

Yes, Lawro has put down his five iron and glass of Merlot, and has hauled himself into BBC HQ for some serious hours of encyclopaedic research. Or something not particularly along those lines.

So stop your work to appreciate the true worth of six-figure opinions:

Tottenham v Sunderland

“Sunderland were extremely fortunate to beat Stoke”

Ok, they should have had a penalty for the Lee Cattermole hand of yob, but at that stage Sunderland were one goal to the good and had missed a penalty of their own. And Sunderland won by two goals. And had nine shots on target to Stoke’s five.

Chelsea v Fulham

“What I couldn’t understand about Chelsea’s loss to Liverpool on Sunday was Didier Drogba starting on the bench. Fair enough if he has a bit of a nagging injury, but if you’ve got games coming up against Liverpool and Fulham, surely they’d want him to start against Liverpool?”

I’m sure they would want him to start against Liverpool, Mark, but the nagging injury you refer to was reported as a fever he had on the way to the ground. In fact, Mr Drogba probably deserves some credit for playing half the game with what your BBC boys reported yesterday as Malaria. Nagging injury? Probably not.

“When Mark Hughes took over at Fulham, I’m sure he realised that his job was to keep them in the Premier League and as long as he did that, he’d be doing a good job.”

Really Lawro? You think that Hughes and the club would be happy if they finished 17th in the League? Hughes said the following upon taking over the club: “I am joining on the back of two of the most successful seasons in the club’s history. “I am confident that with some additions to the squad, hard work and commitment, we can move this club forward in the right direction.”

Fulham have finished 12th and 7th in the last two seasons.

Newcastle v Blackburn

“I don’t think the Sam Allardyce factor will make much difference, either – a lot of the Newcastle players probably weren’t even at the club when Sam was”

Ahh, use of the word ‘probably’ possibly indicates you haven’t really put in the hard hours. As writers know, at least use the word ‘arguably’.

For the record, of Newcastle’s squad to face Arsenal, seven were at the club when Allardyce was, and three of them were signed by Big Sam. So they might have at least heard of him.

Wolves v Arsenal

“Last year, Arsenal came to Wolves, scored early”

Arsenal took half an hour to score, through an own goal.

Manchester City v Manchester United

“and the thing is they (United) know how to close games off”

Are they that good at closing down games? This is the same United that conceded late against Fulham to draw, twice late against Everton to draw and twice against West Brom to draw.

Good to see that the licence fee isn’t being wasted!

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