The Premier League season so far: The awards ceremony

Posted by - November 29, 2010 - All News, Conclusions, Lists, Premier League


Yes, yes, it’s only the end of November, but on the basis that it is too cold to go to work / tidy up / do anything but read football blogs, OTP thought it would give you a little round up of the season so far.

In OTP style, we don’t want to take things too seriously, so take a look at our nominees and winners. Any suggestions of your own, feel free to contribute.

The Chocolate Teapot Award for a Dreadful Purchase

Nominees: James Perch (Newcastle), Mauro Boselli (Wigan), Bebe (Man Utd), Ramires (Chelsea)

Winner: Mauro Boselli (Wigan). Six million English pounds. A club record fee. Four starts before relegation to the bench. 374 minutes. 0 goals. 1 missed penalty.

The Joseph Fritzl Award for Devotion to a Single Cause

Nominees: Carlos Tevez (Man City), Ben Foster (Birmingham), Scott Parker (West Ham), Tim Cahill (Everton)

Winner: Scott Parker (West Ham). There have been better players than Parker in the Premier League this season, but not too many who have played with more passion. After scoring the third goal (and therefore clincher) for the Hammers on Saturday, Parker almost burst into tears, such is his determination. Hero.

The Tomas Brolin Award for Lack of Adjustment to the Pace of the English Game

Nominees: Milan Jovanovic (Liverpool), Ramires (Chelsea), Christian Poulsen (Liverpool), Laurent Koscielny (Arsenal)

Winner: Christian Poulsen (Liverpool). It is easy to want to give Woy the benefit of the doubt at Anfield, in that he took over at a club with a great deal of instability. But then he bought Poulsen. The Dane looks sluggish, leggy and generally unreliable. Also see Milan Jovanovic (Liverpool), although not one of Hodgson’s purchases.

The Peter Crouch with Abbey Clancy Award for Punching Above Your Weight

Nominees: James Perch (Newcastle), Paul Konchesky (Liverpool), Jonathan Spector (West Ham), Jermaine Jenas (Spurs)

Winner: James Perch (Newcastle). Set a record by being booked in his first five Premier League games. Newcastle paid over £1.5million for a player who will never play for the club regularly following Danny Simpson’s recovery from injury. Every single Notttingham Forest fan could have told you that.

The Mel Gibson Award for He F**king Said What Now?

Nominees: Ryan Babel (Liverpool), Arsene Wenger (Arsenal), Mark Lawrenson (BBC), Sam Allardyce (Blackburn)

Winner: Sam Allardyce (Blackburn).

I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid. It wouldn’t be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not where I’m suited to, it’s just where I’ve been for most of the time.

Your Not Big and You’re Certainly Not Cool Award for Worst Tattoo

Nominees: Raul Meireles (Liverpool), Wayne Bridge (Manchester City), Steve Sidwell (Villa), Stephen Ireland (Aston Villa)

Winner: Steve Sidwell (Villa). Wayne Bridge has dreadful Celtic symbols, Ireland has a horrendous angel wings tattoo, and Meireles has gone for the psycho approach. But hold onto your seats a moment… Steve Sidwell has his wedding vows etched onto his back. I’m prepared to go all out to get with his missus to make him ashamed of having that. Jesus.

And finally…

The OTP Player of the Season Award

Nominees: Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Gareth Bale (Spurs), Rafael Van der Vaart (Spurs), Carlos Tevez (Man City)

Winner: Carlos Tevez (Man City). Bale and VdV have been better on surprise factor, while Cashley offers complete consistence, but it is King Carlos who has dragged Man City to fourth in the PL. Scoring almost half City’s goals, Tevez also has four assists. Not bad for man who doesn’t like footy.

  • dilly

    No Nasri on th OTP shortlist????? May aswell just ignore everything else now.

  • Neil

    Dilly beat me to the Nasri point. Also do not see why Bebe is in the list for worst transfers.

  • Jimbo

    Nearly everything about this post is ridiculous.

    Bebe – 20 years old, has never played top flight football before joining United. So far he has 2 goals in 5 appearances.

    James Perch – Wins the punching above his weight category, yet your comments say that he is useless! That makes no sense.
    Also, no West Brom or Blackpool players nominated for this. Charlie Adam immediately comes to mind.

    The tattoo award, no Torres, who has a tattoo of ‘Nando’ written in the the elves language from Lord Of The Rings. You can’t really get much worse than that. Bale has had 2 good games in Europe and one in the Prem. Tevez has been hot and cold all season. The best of the ‘big 4’ strikers but no way the player of the season so far.

    Player of the Season – No Nani or Nasri – Along with Van der Vaart the two top players this season. No question.

  • Daniel Storey

    Right ok..

    Punching above weight as in at a club and level beyond the talent of the player. AKA James Perch.
    And as in Peter Crouch being with Abby Clancey.

    Bebe is on there because he cost £7.6million, was unheard of and has played 75 mins of PL football.

    And regarding the Player of the Season, its opinionated and unofficial. And as for tevez blowing hot and cold, he has scored or assisted 13 of Citys 19 PL goals. There are arguments for Nasri and Nani, but also Carroll, Elmander and Cahill too. Thats the way of it.

  • neil

    Several weeks ago, Vitoria’s president reportedly revealed that United had bought him for half of the originally reported 7.4million.

    He was also pinched under the nose of Real Madrid, and was never purchased to play Premier League football right away. I’m by no means saying that he has been blistering in his appearances so far, but he has certainly been above average in the times he has played

  • fj

    bit of a bad taste with the joseph fritzl award, not funny in the slightest…but, good post all in all…

  • Daniel Storey

    Bebe look “above average” last night Neil and Jimbo (wind up wind up!)?

    Subbed of at half time in three of his five games for the club.

  • Jimbo

    Bebe, wasn’t the only United player to look awful last night.