The Premier League season so far: The awards ceremony
Yes, yes, it’s only the end of November, but on the basis that it is too cold to go to work / tidy up / do anything but read football blogs, OTP thought it would give you a little round up of the season so far.
In OTP style, we don’t want to take things too seriously, so take a look at our nominees and winners. Any suggestions of your own, feel free to contribute.
The Chocolate Teapot Award for a Dreadful Purchase
Nominees: James Perch (Newcastle), Mauro Boselli (Wigan), Bebe (Man Utd), Ramires (Chelsea)
Winner: Mauro Boselli (Wigan). Six million English pounds. A club record fee. Four starts before relegation to the bench. 374 minutes. 0 goals. 1 missed penalty.
The Joseph Fritzl Award for Devotion to a Single Cause
Nominees: Carlos Tevez (Man City), Ben Foster (Birmingham), Scott Parker (West Ham), Tim Cahill (Everton)
Winner: Scott Parker (West Ham). There have been better players than Parker in the Premier League this season, but not too many who have played with more passion. After scoring the third goal (and therefore clincher) for the Hammers on Saturday, Parker almost burst into tears, such is his determination. Hero.
The Tomas Brolin Award for Lack of Adjustment to the Pace of the English Game
Nominees: Milan Jovanovic (Liverpool), Ramires (Chelsea), Christian Poulsen (Liverpool), Laurent Koscielny (Arsenal)
Winner: Christian Poulsen (Liverpool). It is easy to want to give Woy the benefit of the doubt at Anfield, in that he took over at a club with a great deal of instability. But then he bought Poulsen. The Dane looks sluggish, leggy and generally unreliable. Also see Milan Jovanovic (Liverpool), although not one of Hodgson’s purchases.
The Peter Crouch with Abbey Clancy Award for Punching Above Your Weight
Nominees: James Perch (Newcastle), Paul Konchesky (Liverpool), Jonathan Spector (West Ham), Jermaine Jenas (Spurs)
Winner: James Perch (Newcastle). Set a record by being booked in his first five Premier League games. Newcastle paid over £1.5million for a player who will never play for the club regularly following Danny Simpson’s recovery from injury. Every single Notttingham Forest fan could have told you that.
The Mel Gibson Award for He F**king Said What Now?
Nominees: Ryan Babel (Liverpool), Arsene Wenger (Arsenal), Mark Lawrenson (BBC), Sam Allardyce (Blackburn)
Winner: Sam Allardyce (Blackburn).
I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid. It wouldn’t be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn’t be a problem. It’s not where I’m suited to, it’s just where I’ve been for most of the time.
Your Not Big and You’re Certainly Not Cool Award for Worst Tattoo
Nominees: Raul Meireles (Liverpool), Wayne Bridge (Manchester City), Steve Sidwell (Villa), Stephen Ireland (Aston Villa)
Winner: Steve Sidwell (Villa). Wayne Bridge has dreadful Celtic symbols, Ireland has a horrendous angel wings tattoo, and Meireles has gone for the psycho approach. But hold onto your seats a moment… Steve Sidwell has his wedding vows etched onto his back. I’m prepared to go all out to get with his missus to make him ashamed of having that. Jesus.
The OTP Player of the Season Award
Nominees: Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Gareth Bale (Spurs), Rafael Van der Vaart (Spurs), Carlos Tevez (Man City)
Winner: Carlos Tevez (Man City). Bale and VdV have been better on surprise factor, while Cashley offers complete consistence, but it is King Carlos who has dragged Man City to fourth in the PL. Scoring almost half City’s goals, Tevez also has four assists. Not bad for man who doesn’t like footy.