Tevez to fire, Milwall to win and a wispy-haired chin
Well well, another Christmas over. Not for me, no way Jose Mourinho. Christmas in this punter’s household is very much continuing, with a hangover that will last until at least 2pm and a weight gain that won’t be shifted til 2014.
Anyway, yours truly made another tidy profit of £41 on the fifty notes that were staked. This gave me three options:
a) Sales shopping with the missus for new bathroom curtains
b) Putting it into a high interest slow maturing bond and watch the pennies grow
c) Get a bottle of famous grouse, slap some bets on and continue an Ashes-related nocturnal life
God I love multiple choice questions.
£10 on Man City, Stoke and Leeds all to win gets you £57
And how was everyone’s food this Christmas? Went for some sort of gammon, turkey, parrty food, goose, beef casserole marathon, so it is no wonder that the lavatory has taken the proverbial hammering, although my arteries run it an extremely close second on that front.
And then her indoors says that “We will have to get on the salads in January babe”. Sometimes words fail even me. Daft bitch
£10 Millwall to win and Burnley -1.5 on Asian Handicap gets you £65
And now for the real quiz. My worst five things about Christmas:
1) The wispy hair coming out of the chin and ear of my Aunt. I could accept it off a grandma, but not an aunt.
2) The impressive way people resort to laziness when buying presents. Loving football, get cash back on this. Eight books on football you say? Purfik, I have no time on my hands as it is.
3) An insatiable demand from family members to watch films on television that are already owned on DVD, just because the advert breaks allow for discussion, alcoholic replenishment and the breaking of wind in foreign climes (out of the room).
4) Turkey soup, turkey curry, turkey sandwiches. Give me the tur-key to the door so I can escape from this dry-meated beast. The most tasteless bird since we lost Jade Goody.
5) Children. Parasites of the highest order. When they are selfish and greedy it’s ok because it’s ‘their time’. When I am, I’m being ‘difficult again’.
£5 on Max Gradel scoring anytime for Leeds gets you £15
£5 on Carlos Tevez being first goalscorer in Man City v Aston Villa gets you £25
£5 on Adam le Fondre being first goalscorer in Rotherham v Accrington gets you £20