soccer bet’s get it on
So last week made £22 profit. After serious consideration over blowing it all on two copies of Coronation Street: The Album, OTPs head was turned when it spotted two sharp metal spikes on offer that looked perfect for drilling through one’s eyes. Still had change to buy a small bottle of Glen’s vodka and a 1995/6 Panini Premier League sticker album, and always nice to relive the joys of being an eleven year old.
The treble bet of the week goes back to that old chestnut (Christmas reference): the anytime goalscorer. Think of a number for the total number of club goals Kenny Miller, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo have scored since the start of last season. Multiply it by one and a half and add a few for good luck. Answer: 167. Jesus H Christ, all to score please.
£8 on Miller, Messi and Ronaldo all to score gets you £35
Sticking with the Christmas theme, I was the luckiest kid in our neighbourhood, because I was the only one who had an old man empty his sack at the end of my bed more than once a year. Uncle George was a Notts County fan and I back his boys (bad choice of phrase in the circumstances) to beat MK Dons. Go further and bet on Ben Davies first goalscorer.
£5 on Ben Davies first goalscorer gets you £50
I once went to Sheffield (I know, I know, rock and roll) and a male tramp said I looked ‘kinda cool looking’. I could tell he had pissed himself recently using two different senses (sight and smell). Anyone else had a situation where they felt proud and sick at the same time? Anyway, that guy is probably a) a Blades fan and b) no longer with us, so on that basis Wednesday to win at home. Add to that a Bournemouth win and the double chance of Preston or draw, and you’ve got yourself a Real Football Treble©.
£10 on Bournemouth, Sheff Wednesday and Preston or draw gets you £41
Which leaves me with £12 (and before you ask no I don’t know why £35 is the nominated amount). For this I’ll nip to Germany, home of the sausage and Europe’s surprise package Borussia Dortmund. Dropped five points all season, so back them to smash the back (sexual term) out of Bremen. Also, hump (sexual term) on Mario Gomez notching (sexual term) for Bayern.
£12 on Dortmund to win and Gomez to score anytime gets you £32