Mark Lawrenson’s comedy column

Posted by - December 17, 2010 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

Where do you Lawro, my lovely?

After getting one correct score and two results from last weekend’s ten Premier League games, our boy Lawro is back, this time guessing against Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman (no, me neither).

It would be fair to say that Lawro has gone on the conservative this week, using just three different scores (2-1, 2-0, 1-1) for all ten Premier League games.

Arsenal v Stoke
“Stoke lost at home to Blackpool last week despite probably creating more chances in a game than they have done since they were promoted to the Premier League in 2008.”

I love quotes like these from Lawro, because they just invite the little bit of research he hasn’t done.

Chances created by Stoke against Blackpool last weekend: 16
Chances created by Stoke against Birmingham on 9th November: 19

Birmingham v Newcastle
“Before they lost at Wolves last week, Birmingham were on a great run – they were five games unbeaten in the league and Carling Cup”

Depends which way you look at it Mark.

That great run also contained two wins in fourteen PL games for a team only three points off relegation. Maybe not necessarily a ‘great run’.

Lies, damned lies and statistics.

Blackburn v West Ham
“It sounds to me like Rovers have been taken over by people who…don’t understand that Blackburn staying in the Premier League every year is an achievement, and is something that Sam virtually guarantees you.”

Now far be it from me to try and explain the sacking decision, though a new manager with a new brand of football seems the remit, but don’t try and tell the new owners that they should be happy with simply avoiding relegation.

Blackburn have only finished outside the top ten once in the last five seasons.

Liverpool v Fulham
“The Cottagers don’t have great attacking power at the moment because Andy Johnson is feeling his way back from injury and Bobby Zamora and Moussa Dembele are both long-term absentees.”

Interesting use of the term ‘long-term’ given that Moussa Dembele is rated 50-50 to be fit for a place on the bench tomorrow.

Manchester City v Everton
“The positive thing I would say for City in this is that, unlike with Wayne Rooney at Manchester United, you would say that if Tevez does play then he will give his absolute all.”

Interesting Lawro. So despite the body language, demeanour and current actions of the two players, you are saying that, of the two, Rooney is the less likely to go on the pitch and commit fully to the cause.

Think it is fair to say that that goes against logical and public opinion.

“If you put Louis Saha, Yakubu, Victor Anchibe and Jermaine Beckford in a blender then you would have a real top player. You know what David Moyes will be looking for in January.”

A blender?