Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - December 23, 2010 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

Lawrooo West, where the skies are blue

Christmas is meant to be a time at which we can share happy times with our friends, sharing mulled wine and memories.

Unfortunately, Lawro has been left alone like a new puppy on Boxing Day, forced into doing his own predictions without an air of competition. Maybe partly due to losing 5-1 to Len Goodman last time out?

Anyway, your latest tinfoil and teaspoon hit of pedantry:

Everton v Birmingham
“I was at Eastlands on Monday and I thought Everton were good value for their win”

Woah there Nelly. Fair play to Everton, they won the game and got the three points. But good value? It was smash and grab at its brilliant best.

25 shots to 4, 11 corners to 0, 60% possession to 40%.

Newcastle v Manchester City
“If they sell Carroll then they might as well accept relegation”

Surely that seems a little negative. Sure Carroll has been in brilliant form, but are you sure that Newcastle might as well sack of their next 20 league games if he is sold?

The club would get around £20million for the striker. I’m not saying they should sell, nor that they wouldn’t struggle, but throw in the towel?

Aston Villa v Spurs
“They (Tottenham) have a lot of attacking options on the bench – better than any other side in the Premier League”

It really is a day for big statements isn’t it Lawro.

Spurs’ bench for last PL game:
Cudicini Corluka
Sandro Bentley
Dos Santos Keane
Crouch

Number of Premier League goals between the seven this season : 1
Number of PL goals by Robbie Keane since Nov 2009: 0
Number of PL goals by Peter Crouch since Dec 2009: 5
Number of PL goals by Giovani Dos Santos ever: 0
Number of PL goals by David Bentley since Oct 2008: 1

Doesn’t say much for the attacking reserves of the Premier League eh Lawro?

Blackpool v Liverpool
“I just have a sneaking suspicion that this might be an away game that Liverpool actually win”

Course you do Lawro. In fact you have had a ssneaking suspicion that Liverpool would do well all season, giving them 18 points more than they currently have.

In fact you have them only losing two away games since the beginning of last season and only three in total, despite the actual figures being 14 away losses and 18 in total over the same period.

Blackpool Watch
It is also nice to include a little Blackpool watch in this blog. This is based on Lawro’s aversion to Blackpool’s presence as a successful Premier League outfit.

Blackpool currently sit 10th in the Premier League with 22 points from 16 games. Lawro has them bottom with just 8 points from 19 games.

Fancy a guess at how many points Lawro has them winning away from home, despite them being third in the PL away table?

Yes that’s right: 0.

Merry Christmas Mark.