Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - December 31, 2010 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

Lawro-ing me, Lawro-ing you

Lawro has had a bit of a breather over the Christmas period, simply predicting scores for the last round of games, as oppose to offering any more of his genuine insight into our beautiful game.

No matter, he is back with a bang to offer up his latestpreview of football matches taking place this weekend.

Liverpool v Bolton

“Bolton were a little bit unlucky against Chelsea, who were always going to win eventually”

Always going to win eventually? This is the Chelsea side that had not won in six Premier League games, including a 3-0 home defeat to Sunderland and letting a 1-0 lead slip against Everton late on? And survived a glaring miss from Sam Ricketts and a strong appeal for a penalty after a John Terry’s handball.

“On form Wanderers are favourites”

In the last eight matches overall, Bolton are 7th in the form table and Liverpool 9th.
Points taken in last five home matches by Liverpool: 12
Points taken in last five away matches by Bolton: 4
Odds on Liverpool to win by apparently ‘know-nothing bookies”: 1.72
Odds on Bolton to win by apparently ‘know-nothing bookies”: 5.00

Interesting summation of Bolton being favourites as on form, as after the last set of games, Lawro now has Liverpool 4th in the league, behind second place Chelsea only on goal difference and a full 24 points ahead of their current points tally.

Oh, and 25 points ahead of Bolton!

Tottenham v Fulham

“I still believe they (Tottenham) have got the best attacking options in the Premier League, because of the players they can start with, or bring on.”

Please stop flogging this one Lawro. In Van der Vaart and Bale they have got two players in great form. We examined the bench statistics last week, and no point in digging up old graves, but let us look at the goalscoring stats. Take out Bale, VDV and Super Pav, and the rest of the squad have ten goals. Four by defenders, and one own goal. Keane, Defoe, Modric, Crouch, Bentley, Giovanni and Jenas have two goals between them.

Despite all these attacking talents, Lawro still has Spurs 9 points behind Liverpool.

Wigan v Newcastle

“I saw the Latics as a club that brings in players from South America and improves them before selling them”

Ahhh, the old Lawro chestnut. Think of a something that happened that you remember and use that to make a rule of thumb.

Number of players that have left Wigan in the last three years: 25
Number of South American players: 1

So you remember Valencia going to Man Yoo then Mark? In a way I hope he also means Wilson Palacios from Honduras in Central America.

West Ham v Wolves

“This is a real bottom-of-the-table clash”

And yet in your prediction league you have West Ham in 11th and Wolves in the heady heights of 8th. More of a Europa-Legue-push derby Lawro?

Blackpool Watch

Another away game and another away defeat without scoring a goal. Things look bleak for the Tangerine Army, adrift on just 8 points, a massive twelve points off safety.

Liverpool – Blackpool point swing in real life: Blackpool +3 (with a game in hand)

Liverpool – Blackpool point swing in Lawro’s table: Liverpool +38

If Blackpool win their game in hand, they will be ten points of top place in the Premier League. Lawro has them 45 points off.

  • Andy Gray

    Everything the BBC seem to do these days is laughable, look how ridiculously wrong their offside line was for the Chelsea Bolton game the other day.

    You do have to wonder whether they do it just to piss people off.

  • Pedro

    Funny how Manchester United are the only club who get the insulting moniker. I’ve seen and read United fans being called deluded for propagating the idea that everyone else probably hates them more than they support their own club(s) or one season wonder fetish teams, but stuff like this does give a lot of credibility to their complaints of everyone else being pretty much ABU.

  • Anonymous

    hopefully. They need to brighten up MOTD somehow.

    It takes a lot of caffeine to get through Gary “crunch my snacks, spot my smile” Lineker, Alan “Aa’ve nooooo bin drrinken, its how i tork laddee, an ah steel sey eets robbish” Hansen, Alan “Of coorse, eets ma cloob!” Shearer and Lee “I would have been a stock broker but I wasn’t thick enough” Dixon.

    Not made easier by having to sit through Blackburn and Wigan games. And then I’m up 3 times in the night like a right old saddo (which is what I am!).