The Off The Post Nativity Play

Posted by - December 22, 2010 - Lists, Podcast

Hay in the manger? We’ve got a whole Bale

After much deliberation (click here to listen to the amusing deliberation), the OTP Podcast team have settled on the cast for the OTP Nativity.

Find out who made the cut after the jump…

The Podcast team were on the lookout for some managers who had spent the year looking after their flock particularly well and, therefore, might be well-suited to overseeing the birth of the Messiah.

Shepherd #1: Carlo Ancelotti – Led his Stamford Bridge sheep to graze on a Double in his first season in English football.

Shepherd #2: Harry Redknapp – Farmer Levy had just two sheep when ‘Arry took over. Now look at them! A Champions League-standard flock.

Shepherd #3: Ian Holloway – Among bleak settings, even by shepherd standards, he has led his flock at greater heights than could possibly have been expected. Shear brilliance.

Three Kings
Podcast pundit Paddy mistakenly thought this was going to be a pun-based feature, and we thank him for that. Sadly, he also though Roman Abfrankincenseovich was a pun so the original plan for three wealthy owners to play the Wise Men was scrapped and extended to a wise director of football who, as fate would have it, does wander the globe looking for children to lavish with riches:
David Gold
Frank Arnesence
Randy Lernmyrrh


Andrey Arshavin, Shaun Wright Phillips and Park Ji-Sung – Light on their feet, hard-working, not a single facial hair between them, angelic faces to a man and likely to be improved by the addition of wings.

Stable residents / deed holders

Token ass: Emile Heskey

Innkeeper: Mick McCarthy – The glass is half-empty, but the Inn is definitely full to capacity.

The Proud Parents

Joseph: Ryan Giggs – Dependable, solid and a great role model to baby Jesus.

Mary: Karren Brady – Sorry, Ryan, but the Podcast boys have picked the West Ham vice-chairman and the Premier League’s First Lady as your wife. The perfect candidate to bring up God’s very own Apprentice on earth and her patience with Avram Grant has been saint-like.

Lead role

Baby Jesus: Gareth Bale – Attracts similar plaudits to the Messiah, likes to wear white and a youngster offering fresh hope for the future. Plus the fact that Joseph’s offspring is a left-footed Welshman will stop tongues wagging when we get back to Nazareth, eh Ryan?

Don’t forget to listen to the Podcast to find out why Andy Carroll was harshly overlooked for the role of Jesus.

  • tikabooson

    Shepards need sheep, and for players blindly following managers I think Paul Konchesky, Frédéric Piquionne and Robert Pires would make good sheep.