Find out who made the cut after the jump…
The Podcast team were on the lookout for some managers who had spent the year looking after their flock particularly well and, therefore, might be well-suited to overseeing the birth of the Messiah.
Shepherd #1: Carlo Ancelotti – Led his Stamford Bridge sheep to graze on a Double in his first season in English football.
Shepherd #2: Harry Redknapp – Farmer Levy had just two sheep when ‘Arry took over. Now look at them! A Champions League-standard flock.
Shepherd #3: Ian Holloway – Among bleak settings, even by shepherd standards, he has led his flock at greater heights than could possibly have been expected. Shear brilliance.
Podcast pundit Paddy mistakenly thought this was going to be a pun-based feature, and we thank him for that. Sadly, he also though Roman Abfrankincenseovich was a pun so the original plan for three wealthy owners to play the Wise Men was scrapped and extended to a wise director of football who, as fate would have it, does wander the globe looking for children to lavish with riches:
Andrey Arshavin, Shaun Wright Phillips and Park Ji-Sung – Light on their feet, hard-working, not a single facial hair between them, angelic faces to a man and likely to be improved by the addition of wings.
Stable residents / deed holders
Token ass: Emile Heskey
Innkeeper: Mick McCarthy – The glass is half-empty, but the Inn is definitely full to capacity.
The Proud Parents
Joseph: Ryan Giggs – Dependable, solid and a great role model to baby Jesus.
Mary: Karren Brady – Sorry, Ryan, but the Podcast boys have picked the West Ham vice-chairman and the Premier League’s First Lady as your wife. The perfect candidate to bring up God’s very own Apprentice on earth and her patience with Avram Grant has been saint-like.
Baby Jesus: Gareth Bale – Attracts similar plaudits to the Messiah, likes to wear white and a youngster offering fresh hope for the future. Plus the fact that Joseph’s offspring is a left-footed Welshman will stop tongues wagging when we get back to Nazareth, eh Ryan?