Top five most appropriate ways for Roy Keane to be sacked by Ipswich
Keano leaves Tractor Boys – were any of these methods employed?
1. By text, the same way he quit as manager of Sunderland.
2. Through a message written on the dedications page of Alf-Inge Haaland’s autobiography.
3. Keep it a secret for a while, tell everyone else except Keane then let Patrick Vieira “shoot his f***ing mouth off”.
4. Tell him the Football League has brought in strict new quotas for the number of ex-Sunderland personnel and Irishmen allowed to be employed at a club at any given time, and sadly you’ve got to let go of him, Brian Murphy, Shane O’Connor, Gareth McAuley, Damien Delaney, Grant Leadbitter, Carlos Edwards, Ian McLoughlin, Alan Quinn, Marton Fulop, Colin Healy, Ronan Murray, David Cawley, Conor Hourihane, Mark Kennedy, Darren O’Dea and Josh Carson.
5. By Powerpoint presentation, featuring a graph pointing out that – taking the number of wins Keane secured as Ipswich manager and his spending into consideration – Ipswich would need to take their total spending under Keane to £13.5m to generate enough victories to scrape into the play-offs.