Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - February 4, 2011 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

Home sweet home
“It is Stoke who are in greater need of getting back to winning ways, especially at home.”

Stoke have won their last two Premier League home games without conceding a goal.

Insight for sore eyes
One thing that we love about Lawro, and the Match of the Day team in general, is their insight. The way that they can really get to the bottom of the issue, and provide us with some in-depth analysis is extremely refreshing in the days of spoon-fed media. Two gleaming examples this week:

“Newcastle look short of strikers to me”

“United are top of the table and unbeaten”

Lies, damned lies and statistics
“Wigan have had a couple of decent draws in their last two games”

They indeed drew their last two games. One of which was in the FA Cup. They have also not won in seven games in the league, and taken four points out of 21 available.

Since their last win they have gone from 16th in the league (three points outside the drop zone) to 19th and point from safety.

“Manchester City are very jittery at the back at the moment, despite having quite a settled back four.”

Man City last named an unchanged back four on November 10th.

Do as I say, not as I do
“The good thing about his (Gary Neville’s) decision is that he is finishing right at the very top, which is the best thing you can do.”

Ignoring the fact that Red Nev is not certainly not “at the very top” on a personal level, we can only examine Lawrenson’s last three clubs. Tampa Bay Rowdies. Corby Town. Chesham United.

Where there’s a will there’s a Holloway
Lawro doesn’t have much form with Blackpool. He has predicted them to win on five occasions this season. They have lost four of them.

Until recently he had them on eight points, bottom of the league, despite at the time being fifth.
And after this weekend, they will have played 13 away games. In reality only the top five have a better away record. In Lawro’s estimations, they have got a total of 0. Nought. Just the thirteen losses in a row, thanks.

Zzzzzzzzzzz…..
For viewers of Match of the Day and Football Focus, you will know that Lawrenson is not the most exuberant of gentlemen. Straight-laced, down the middle you might say. This weekend, Lawro predicts that no teams at all will score more than two goals, and we will have seven 2-0’s.

There has only been one programme of games in which no team has scored three or more goals in the last two years. Cheer up Mark.