Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - February 11, 2011 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

Boring as hell, Mr Obvious, and Kenny using all his squad

Boring, boring Lawro
Last week we suggested that predicting no team to score more than two goals might be a tad negative of our man. Think it is fair to say that after a record goalscoring week the point was valid! Anyway it flagged a little in our mind that Lawro doesn’t ever really go outside the box on his scores.

It is, in fact, more outrageous than this: Of his last last 20 scores predicted, none have been different to 1-1, 2-1, or 2-0. Going back further and of the 107 predicted scores this year (in FA Cup and Premier League) only 8 have not been one of these three scorelines. 3-0? No 2-2? No 3-1? No Anything else? No.

I can see clearly now
“It might be stating the obvious but Mancini is Italian”

Yes, yes it is.

Away day blues
“It would be unlike Wolves to be beaten by one of the top four teams”

Yes Wolves have done well against the big teams. At home. Wolves have played all of the top five away from home apart from Arsenal. The grand total of points: 0.

Wouldn’t necessarily be “unlikely” for them to be beaten (as summed up by your 2-0 prediction)

Loose at the back
From Birmingham v Stoke:
“Neither of these sides is particularly prolific and both have, unusually for them, started to concede goals of late”

In their last 12 Premier League games, Birmingham have conceded more than one goal three times. To Arsenal, Manchester United and Manchester City.

The tinkerman, shaba
“Their manager Kenny Dalglish has now used virtually all of his squad”

Number of different players started by Dalglish in 7 games: 16
Number of players in Liverpool first team squad: 24

Given the fact that you need eleven players on anyway, one change was a replacement for Torres and one was forced after his captain was suspended, not exactly chop and change is it?

You say Tomato, I say Blackpool
Coming from Lancashire it is clear that Lawro does at least immerse himself in his local footballing culture, familiarising himself with the ins and outs of such great institutions.

“Tottenham seem to have got over their bad run now and have shown their determination by winning their last two matches, against Blackpool and Bolton, when they had to ride their luck a bit in both.”

Given that Spurs last played Blackpool in the league exactly 32 years ago today, we are assuming he means Blackburn.

The big question is whether anyone from the BBC is reading, and therefore will update the column.

Burning ambitions
“The thing about West Brom is that they have been a yo-yo club for a while now, so surely it won’t be the end of the world if they go down. That’s why I thought they might have held on to Di Matteo.”

So they should keep a manager, even if they think he will take them down, on the basis that “Heeeey, it’s West Brom, they always go down! Relax!”

Keeping our stories straight
From Bolton v Everton:
“Bolton haven’t played that badly recently”

From Predictions for 30th Jan (less than two weeks ago):
“I don’t think I have ever seen Bolton play as badly as they did against Chelsea”