Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - February 25, 2011 - Predictions, Premier League, Quotes

Impressions, one two three, and Superdann

A good impression
From Aston Villa v Blackburn:
“I have been impressed by Aston Villa recently”

This is an Aston Villa side that have won 2 of their last 10 in the league.

“…they certainly look very strong at home”

This is an Aston Villa side that have won 1 of their last 4 in the league at home.

Six day week
From Everton v Sunderland:

“Everton summed up their entire season in the space of six days last week”

Count with me Lawro: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday….. it’s seven days

Well.. Tomayto Tomahhto
The refreshing about Lawro is that he does the research. Like Jeff Stelling camped out in a motorway services, he makes detailed plans and player profiles. What else would you expect from the BBCs Football Expert.

Take Newcastle for example. Lawro knows his stuff. He will enlighten us:
“Ameobi, Nile Ranger, Leon Best, Peter Lovenkrands and Shefki Kuqi are all much of a muchness”

So that’s Ranger – 0 goals in 16 Premier League games for Newcastle
Best – 5 goals in 8 Premier League games for Newcastle
Lovenkrands – 6 goals in 26 Premier League games for Newcastle
Ameobi – 36 goals in 209 Premier League games for Newcastle
Shefki Kuqi – 0 goals in 1 Premier League game for Newcastle

Nothing like a sweeping statement eh Lawro? I think Best, Ameobi and Lovenkrands would have something to say about Kuqi being in their much of a muchness group.

Six of one and half a dozen?
“I was at that game and Marseille seemed more than happy for it to end 0-0. They set up their side not to be beaten, which made it more difficult for United to break them down.”

Did you watch the game? That entire statement would be equally as valid had the two team names been switched. Marseille had more shots. Marseille had more shots on target. Marseille had more corners. Manchester United set up with four defenders, three defensively-minded midfielders and Rooney out on the left.

Dann, Dann, he’s our man
“Since Birmingham defender Scott Dann got injured in the first leg of his side’s semi-final against West Ham on 11 January, the Blues have looked very vulnerable at the back. They have started to concede goals cheaply when previously their defence was one of their strengths.”

This is the second time that Lawro has played this particular card about Scott Dann, so let’s really analyse the opinion:

Number of goals per game conceded after 11th Jan: 1.44 per game
Number of goals per game conceded before 11th Jan: 1.24 per game

So they concede one goal more every five games without Scott Dann in the side. And if you take out the 5-0 defeat at Old Trafford, then Birmingham have conceded only one goal per game without Scott Dann in the side.

Birmingham have three clean sheets in their last four games.

Reminder folks: Yes it is pedantic, but this man earns a six figure salary for his dreary MOTD and BBC
Sport website work. In fact The Times estimates that he earns around £400,000 for his work. Jesus!

  • Jimbo

    Don’t mind the haters Storey. Lawro is a joke.