With that in mind, we’re glancing ahead to some of the deals we’re hoping to see when the transfer window re-opens.
1. Fernando Torres to Liverpool
After the Robbie Keane saga, this would balance the universe out rather nicely. It was the Reds who took the loss on Keane’s brief stay from Tottenham. So why not buy back their former star at a fraction of the price from Chelsea? Then again, if Keane is the correct analogy here, it’s probably not worth their while.
2. Gaetan Bong to Sunderland
This move has already been widely reported and we’ve already signalled our approval. Not only will he bring some much needed name hilarity to the Premier League, if he goes on a mazy run the commentary will sound like the introduction to the News at Ten.
3. Diego Forlan to Manchester United
This one can only be good news. Either Diego will smash his Premier League hoodoo and everyone will have to joyously accept that they were wrong about him as he entertains us week in, week out. Or else he’ll flop again and the joke will get even funnier.
4. Peter Crouch to Manchester City
It would be interesting to see Crouch and Yaya Toure on the pitch together regularly since Crouch is 6ft 7in and Toure a mere 6ft 3in, yet the Ivorian always looks like a ringer at a kids game. This move would bring a healthy dose of perspective to the Premier League.
5. Robbie Keane to AFC Wimbledon
We would be very curious to see whether Keane still claims to have supported as a boy every team he joins, even if they weren’t in existence during his childhood.
6. Robbie Keane to Aston Villa
If Robbie decides he’s not ready for non-league football then we would like to see him at Aston Villa to create the Young, Bent and Keane strikeforce.
7. Michael Owen to Newcastle
With the Magpies short of strikers and finding themselves with money to burn once again, and Owen’s future at Manchester United looking far from certain, this looks like a match made in heaven. And it’s clear he still holds a place in the heart of many Geordies. When he came on as a substitute at St James’ Park last night he was given a standing ovation and all manner of salutes by the Newcastle faithful.
8. Jay Simpson to Arsenal
We can imagine Arsene Wenger calling a press conference that he is finally willing to accept that he has made mistakes in his squad management: he was wrong to ever listen to his critics and break up the old Carling Cup team. Jay Simpson is back in the fold. Next stop: Premier League glory.
9. James Perch to Manchester United
Destined to languish in the reserves at Old Trafford, except for his 10-minute cameo for next season’s trip to Anfield. His squad number? 19, of course.
10. Benni McCarthy to Wigan
Yes, he’s morbidly obese and has lost his pace. And, yes, West Ham have just released him because he’s a bit rubbish. But the former star striker could drop deeper to play in Roberto Martinez’s midfield alongside James McArthur and James McCarthy as the Latics boss seeks to create a commentator-baffling side.