Mark Lawrenson’s Comedy Column

Posted by - May 14, 2011 - Predictions, Premier League, Ranting and Raving

After last week’s publication I received 13 tweets. Seven said they loved the column and six said they hated it. It’s like the Crips and Bloods. So, here goes with another opinion-divider:

Home is where the heart is
“I think this game represents Blackpool’s best chance of getting a win that might keep them in the top flight.”

No shit Sanchez. A home game against a Bolton side that has lost their last four away games, or an away game at Old Trafford against a team that has won its last 16 home games in all competitions, and has one of its last 40 at home, that against a team that won the league?

Relegation, pah!
“Gold and Sullivan have already spoken about who would be leaving the club – all their England internationals like Scott Parker and Rob Green – but relegation might not necessarily be the end of the world”

Well, it might be the end of the club.

David Gold has said that relegation will mean he has to inject £40million just to keep the club afloat, and the owner has warned that West Ham are the worst placed club financially in the country: “The fans should know though this club is in a worse financial position than any other in the country. The debts are football or bank debts secures on the stadium and training ground, so there is no route via administration.”

On the field, it would mean that the club would possibly lose, and brace yourselves, Scott Parker, Demba Ba, Rob Green, Carlton Cole, Mark Noble and Thomas Hitzlsperger, the out-of-contract Matthew Upson and loan signings Victor Obinna, Wayne Bridge and Robbie Keane.

Backing the bottle
“This should still be a straightforward Arsenal win, and there is no way they are going to let third place slip.”

This is an Arsenal side that have bottled it on the big occasions at almost every turn this season, and have just a two point lead over Manchester City. Is it really a clever thing to say that there is ‘no way’ they will let third place slip?


Change the pressure
“But he (Ancelotti) has handled himself with dignity throughout and has just got on with things under increasing pressure “

And from last week’s column:

“Chelsea have put together a very, very good run under no pressure”


“Manchester City’s win over Tottenham on Tuesday means they are guaranteed at least fourth place and the qualifying rounds of the Champions League, which is what their manager Roberto Mancini said he wanted at the start of the season.”

Roberto Mancini, the day before the season began:
“We have a chance to win the league. Why not? We know Chelsea and United are on the top but the Premier League is very long. I hope we will be better than just top four.”