1. Schalke have officially sealed their title as the worst Champions League semi-finalists ever.
2. Fergie might just have saved himself some money. Manuel Neuer looked like a world-beater in the first-leg. Stick him in nets at Old Trafford and he turns into Massimo Taibi.
3. But Darron Gibson will still be reactivating his Twitter account to hear all the nice things Manchester United fans have to say about his long-range shooting.
4. Clive Tyldesley should not be saying “Every day I’m shuffling” in his match commentary. No need, Clive. No need.
5. Anderson had scored two goals for Manchester United before last night. He’s now doubled his tally. That sums up the tie neatly.
Special bonus conclusion: Fergie is a tart.