OTP Podcast: Episode 18 – Christmas Special
After injecting mince pies into our veins, doing shots of Bucks Fizz via our retinas and recording wearing nothing but tinsel jockstraps, the OTP Podcast is in fine, slightly chafed, festive cheer for its Christmas Special. (That unorthodox preparation may partly explain why we sound like we recorded the show with metallic snoods around our gobs)
On this week’s show – we’ll see if Darren Bent knows the difference between physiotherapy and retail-therapy, we’ll assess whether the Balotelli mother-load of all curfew-breaks rings true and we hype up the impending removal of Petr Cech’s face mask – will he go all Darth Vader on us and pronounce himself the father of big Didier?
With that stellar straight-laced football analysis out of the way, we bang on the paper Christmas hats and re-cast Santa’s grotto with familiar football faces – perhaps Avram Grant will make a robust reindeer, maybe Pat Rice will excel as an excellent elf, but who will become chief executive of Christmas / aka that tubby OAP in unflattering red pajamas. After casting Ryan Giggs in the nativity role of Joseph last year because of his ‘role-model qualities’ we are keener than ever to make more astute choices this time.
Put your family, friends and turkey giblets to one side and let your earlobes guzzle down the true spirit of Christmas – crackers, good-will to all men and the yuletide image of Martin Jol and Bobby Zamora in an turbulent bath rub-down. Merry Christmas to one and all listeners (quite possibly the same thing)
While most film buffs are keeping an eye out for the next Batman film in 2012, OTP has our eyes firmly fixed on a football documentary with a gritty voiceover and a crucial question – ‘What if you found Rocky played soccer?’ . No it’s not Sylvester Stallone turning out for his beloved Everton – it’s the rags to reasonable riches for US international Jay DeMerit of Watford fame. We have no idea why this is struggling for a distributor. Coming soon – ‘When Coventry met Cobi Jones’.
Scorpion kick. Volley. Own goal. You can stuff your mesmeric Messi goals, this is the Everest for an OTP reader – idiocy and cataclysmic luck in perfect symbiotic harmony. Festis Baise has performed something that the boffins at the Hadron Collider will be scratching their heads over for a while. No wonder his teammates high five Festis – they feel an instinctive urge to touch the man who just scored the most acrobatic own-goal of all-time. Welcome to youtube for eternity.
“Don’t cry for me Argentina…also don’t chunter in my face and push me you little squirt.” This ref gets an intimate close-up of Argentina’s finest footballing export – nutcases with a hands-on approach to remonstrating decisions. These Boca-Junior chaps are just 16 too and still teasing out riot police with consummate ease. They grow up so fast don’t they? You can’t doubt young Falcundo’s disappointment here – his brow is undergoing a prolonged demolition and he pulverizes his tear ducts into submission. Think Gazza 1990 plus Tabasco eye drops plus Bruce Banner impersonation.
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