Spoof: FA advise Liverpool fans to use international flights for FA Cup final

Posted by - April 20, 2012 - FA Cup, Liverpool, Spoof

After a week of shambolic mismanagement of FA Cup final logistics, the FA has further fanned the flames of Liverpool’s fury by advising that their “best bet” for getting to the game on time is by taking a plane to London.

Tracking down FA Cup final tickets is easy with the help of online retailer TicketBis. But transportation is not so simple for Reds supporters.

Owing to the huge train engineering works on May 5 – a difficulty exacerbated by the late kick-off time – FA chairman David Bernstein yesterday presented the Merseyside club with alternative routes to Wembley.

Bernstein said at a press-conference: “Things have got a little bit complicated of late. We can’t rely on the trains and we also forgot to mention that there will be a colossal re-surfacing of the M6 and M25 on that day. Apologies, we would lose our heads if they weren’t screwed on!

“Don’t worry – you can still get to Wembley by road, we just recommend that you set off on the Thursday and use village lanes to have a sniff of getting in to London. Nice scenic road trip for the family though.

“With that in mind, the best bet for Liverpool fans wanting to use their tickets is to get in to the capital via plane, since the sky is free of any engineering works that day. Just close your eyes and imagine John Lennon Airport as Wembley Way. We’ll stick up some balloons so the occasion won’t be lost on fans.

“In this new environment of honesty, we should also mention that UK cabin crews are set to strike that day, which means that domestic flights are looking increasingly unlikely to take off that weekend. Not ideal, but there is a perfectly reasonable solution.

“International flights are not affected that day, which means you can still get from Liverpool to London via a stop-off in Paris or New York.

“We’ve also pulled our finger out and laid on some extra flights from John Lennon Airport to Heathrow via Sydney so that as many Liverpool fans as possible can watch their team play in the biggest club game on the planet.

“Fan groups might say that a 32-hour round-trip is an expensive inconvenience, but the FA see it as a fantastic warm-up to the match. It’s an extra bit of glamour, plus everyone loves in-flight movies and a free newspaper. If those flights don’t materialise – that Icelandic volcano is due for a particularly hearty belching apparently – we have a last case scenario planned for such an eventuality.

“Using our corporate links with Sir Richard Branson and re-channelling our entire grassroots funding, we plan to lay on a voyage of the Virgin Galactic in to space for a few lucky Liverpool fans. Leaving and re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere on matchday is the only absolute guarantee of avoiding train, motorway and plane delays.

“You will literally be soaking up the atmosphere of the big day through your anti-radiation suits. It may hit the pocket at £180,000 a ticket, but we will throw in a match programme and a weightless Q and A session with Ian Rush for free.

“As for Chelsea fans, just jump on the tube for 35mins and you’ll be there in a jiffy. Best of luck to both teams.”

Once you’ve dug out your space suit, head over to TicketBis to get your tickets.

Image: Gary Neville

  • Cerasstar

    Very funny but sad too!