1. Rafa Benitez attempted to throw his weight behind the Roberto Di Matteo protests by encouraging his team to score 16 goals against Aston Villa.
2. You know you’re in trouble when you’ve lost 8-0, your goalkeeper has saved a penalty and was your best player by a mile.
3. Puffa coat-wearing manager watches his team struggling to see of inferior opposition by attempting to walk the ball into the net: Manchester City have turned into Arsenal.
4. Meanwhile, the Gunners grind out a 1-0 win in a drab encounter with Wigan: Arsenal have turned into the old Arsenal.
5. West Ham and Everton managed to prove that the legacy of the London 2012 taekwondo competition is alive and well in east London.
6. A Premier League goal from Stewart Downing proves that Christmas miracles can happen.
7. When Sir Alex Ferguson vowed to never again lose the title on goal difference after last season, he probably didn’t envisage an upsurge in Patrice Evra’s goalscoring fortunes being a major factor in their campaign.
8. Papiss defeated Djibril in the big Cisse derby.
9. Fernando Torres is delighted that Rafa Benitez has insisted on removing those kryptonite nets from the Stamford Bridge goals.
10. After thorough scientific testing by Swansea’s Ashley Williams, we can confirm it’s been conclusively proven that Robin Van Persie’s hair gel is not quite strong enough to hold a Premier League matchball.