1. We’ve lost our goals and we’ve lost our Bale. What’s even left of the Premier League?
2. Praise be to Crystal Palace. Bet you weren’t counting on the Eagles’ firepower to provide some entertainment this season.
3. The day before transfer deadline day, the latest score was: No Signing 0-1 Lots Of Signings.
4. If you look closely at your TV screen today, you’ll notice that the caption “Liverpool 1-0 (Sturridge)” is now permanently burned onto it.
5. Welcome to a parallel universe in which Sturridge is the world’s most lethal goalscorer and Robin Van Persie walks round with a chip on his shoulder and a serious attitude problem.
6. Alvaro Negredo has two jobs at Manchester City: score from the bench and paper over the cracks. Manuel Pellegrini’s side were poor against Hull.
7. Alan Pardew and Newcastle are off the mark thanks to Hatem Ben Arfa’s great strike. Joe Kinnear might have to wait a bit longer to get his job back.
8. Everyone thought Roberto Martinez would instil a passing game at Everton, but he’s decided to instil a drawing game instead.
9. Somebody should put in a call to Ji Dong Won to make sure he’s still alive and well. We dread to think what Paolo Di Canio would have done to him after he ducked out of a goalscoring chance against Crystal Palace.
10. David Moyes successfully demonstrated why he needs at least one new midfielder before the transfer window closes.