Funny football chants

Posted by - February 14, 2014 - All News, Lists

One of the best aspects of the matchday experience of any football fan is the emergence of a new chant. Sure, most weeks we have to put up with run-of-the-mill chants sung by all teams, but when a funny football chant does come along it will probably stay with you forever.

With that in mind, let’s recall some of the finest funny football chants ever to grace our terraces.

Funny football chants

“Niall Quinn’s disco pants are the best, they go up from his arse to his chest, they are better than Adam and the Ants, Niall Quinn’s disco pants.”

Manchester City fans celebrate their former striker’s night on the tiles wearing just denim cut-offs (it’s explained in the video above).

“Leighton Baines, I bet you think this song is about you.”

Everton’s excellent reworking of Carly Simon’s You’re So Vain.

“We’ve got Tiny Cox, we’ve got Tiny Cox, we’ve got Tiny, we’ve got Tiny, we’ve got Tiny Cox.”

Leyton Orient fans tweak Knees Up Mother Brown in honour of 5ft 4in winger Dean Cox.

“Don’t blame it on the Biscan, don’t blame it on the Hamann, don’t blame it on the Finnan, blame it on Traore. He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet.”

Liverpool supporters’ version of Blame It On The Boogie to mock hapless defender Djimi Traore.

“When the ball hits the goal, it’s not Shearer or Cole, it’s Zamora!”

Brighton fans pay tribute to Bobby Zamora through the medium of Dean Martin’s That’s Amore.

“When the ball hits your head, and you’re sat in row Z, that’s Zamora!”

Fulham fans have a different experience of Zamora’s finishing ability.

“Luis Garcia, he drinks sangria… He makes us happy, when skies are grey! You’ll never know just, how much we love him – Please don’t take our Luis away!”

Liverpool fans celebrate their former Spanish star

“Peter Reid’s got a f****n’ monkey’s heid, a f****n’ monkey’s heid, a f****n’ monkey’s head.”

Newcastle and Middlesbrough fans pay tribute to the former Sunderland manager’s simian qualities.

“Sunday, Monday, Habib Beye. Tuesday, Wednesday, Habib Beye. Thursday, Friday, Habib Beye. Saturday, Habib Beye, rockin’ all week with you!”

Newcastle fans’ sitcom-themed tribute to their former Senagalese defender.

“He’s bald, He’s red, He sleeps in Fergie’s bed! Howard Webb, Howard Webb!”

Referee Howard Webb’s impartiality is brought into question.

“There’s only one Emile Heskey, one Emile Heskey. He used to be sh**e, but now he’s all right, Walking in a Heskey wonderland.”

Birmingham fans pleased to see their then striker back in form.

“He’s big, he’s red, his feet stick out the bed, Peter Crouch, Peter Crouch.”

Liverpool fans’ chant in honour of their 6ft 7in former striker.

“Sign on, sign on, with a pen in your hand, cos you’ll never get a job.”

Away fans’ reworking of Liverpool anthem You’ll Never Walk Alone.

“He’s blond, he’s quick, his name’s a porno flick, Emmanuel! Emanuel!”

Arsenal’s saucy chant for Emmanuel Petit.

“Neville Neville, your play is immense. Neville Neville, you play in defence. Neville Neville, like Jacko you’re bad. Neville Neville, the name of your dad.”

Phil and Gary’s chant to the tune of David Bowie’s Rebel Rebel.

“There’s only one Carlton Palmer, and he smokes marijuana. He’s six foot tall and his head’s too small, Walking in a Palmer wonderland!”

Stockport County fans honour their then manager.

“He’s here, he’s there, he wears no underwear, Lee Bowyer, Lee Bowyer.”

Lee Bowyer made the mistake of confiding in Leeds fans that he likes to go commando.

“10 men went to lift, went to lift Frank Lampard, 10 men and their forklift truck went to lift Frank Lampard.”

‘Fat Frank’ has his weight mocked by opposition fans.

“You’re shish, and you know you are!”

Chelsea fans get into the local cuisine during a trip to Galatasaray.

“We’ve only got one Song.”

Arsenal take a traditional jibe at opposition fans and turn it around to honour Alex Song.

“He’s red, he’s sound, he’s banned from every ground, Carra’s dad, Carra’s dad.”

Liverpool fans aware that Jamie Carragher’s father was once arrested for being drunk at a game.

“Bernt Haas! I’ve gone and Bernt my Haas. I’ve gone and Bernt my Haas. I’ve gone and Bernt my Haas. Bernt Haas…”

West Brom fans have fun with the former right-back’s name.

“We’ve got Di Canio, you’ve got our stereos!”

West Ham fans fear for their cars with Liverpool visiting.

“You should’ve stayed on the telly!”

The wisdom of Match of the Day pundit Alan Shearer’s foray into management is questioned by Liverpool fans.

“Park, Park, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your home country! But it could be worse, you could be scouse, eating rats in a council house.”

Manchester United fans offend South Koreans and Liverpudlians simultaneously.

“Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams.”

The Rangers keeper’s schizophrenia diagnosis didn’t get much sympathy from away fans.

“Deep fry yer pizzas, we’re gonna deep fry yer pizzas!”

Scotland fans at a World Cup qualifier against Italy threaten to wreak havoc with Italian cuisine.

“You are my Solskjaer, my Ole Solskjaer, you make my happy, when skies are grey.”

Manchester United’s tribute to their legendary super-sub.

“Tun-cay, cay – Huth, Huth, Abdoulaye!”

This reimagining of Kajagoogoo’s Too Shy stands as a tribute to the Tony Pulis era at Stoke.

“We’ve got Novak, we’ve got Novaak, Our carpets are filthy, We’ve got Novak.”

Hoover humour from Huddersfield fans in honour of Lee Novak.

Have we missed one of your favourite funny football chants? Leave us a comment below.

  • LeGod

    Le Tiss, Le Tiss, my Matt Le Tiss, he gets the ball and takes the piss, my Matt Le Tiss

  • Guestwriter

    “Don’t sell Cabaye, Yohann Cabaye, we just don’t think you understand. An if you sell Cabaye, Yohann Cabaye, you’re gonna have a riot on your hands!” Newcastle fans chanted this lovely piece of art to the melody of the Billy Ray Cyrus classic – but to no avail. Heard no reports of any riots after Cabaye’s PSG move, though.

  • Sebastian

    best I’ve heard was at Arsenal Birmingham…Arsenal fans chanting “We’ve got Dennis Bergkamp”, Birmingham fans chanting “We’ve got Robbie Savage”…with Arsenal Responding “We’ve got Dennis Bergkamp! You’ve got Robbie Savage!”

  • Esteban

    “There’s only one senile b*stard, there’s only one senile b*stard,
    With his walking stick and his zimmer frame, Bobby Robson’s p*ssed himself again”
    Sunderland fans mock the age of then Toon manager Bobby Robson

  • unclefucka

    Don’t sack McKay, Malky McKay, just don’t think you understand…

  • Joe-Jay De Haas

    Pretty goo, but fittng ‘my achy breaky heart’ for ‘Yohann Cabaye’ is a bit of a stretch, length wise.

  • David

    “There’s only one job on Teesside” Middlesbrough Fans self depricating humour in reference of former striker Joseph Job.

    “He shoots, he scores, he’ll eat your labrador, Lee-Dong Gook” – Middlesbrough fans being culturally aware.

  • nicknack

    Heard in the pub at Spurs before a Liverpool game. To the tune of The Macarena.
    Your house got burgled by a scouser, your house got burgled by a scouser, your
    house got burgled by a scouser, hey Pepe Reina.

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