Although glitz, glamour, goals and abysmal haircuts in England’s top-tier get most of our attention, rest assured, if a player scores an own goal with his backside in the Uzbekistani Conference League this is where you’ll receive an in-depth analysis and a search for an existential meaning behind it.
If a beer-goggled 2 Good 2 Bad were to lay down with a half-decent episode of Soccer AM, the OTP podcast would be the resulting illegitimate love child.
Meet the OTP Podcast team
Job: Host. Stamping out the flow of anything nearing insightful and sending the pod back on our usual course of twoddle.
Supports: England – yes, I’m a neutral. It’s a miserable existence but at least I’m guaranteed European action every year.
Fave football moment: Jerzy Dudek’s iconic performance for Liverpool in the 2005 Champions League Final against AC Milan.
Fave Prem player:
Tony Yeboah. He never scored goals – he would simply test the structural integrity of the crossbar and roof of the net.
Fave goal celebration: Bernardo Corradi knighting Man City players with the corner stick. When Joey Barton was given the honour I knew this broke the boundaries of taste and decency.
Job: Pundit. Delving into the depths of my mind to extract useless facts and stats. Making observations that the majority of people will in no way agree with.
Supports: Chelsea. My mum’s godfather captained them in the 1950s. That’s a good enough reason, right?
Fave football moment: Chelsea beating Barca 4-2 in a Champions League quarter final. Ricardo Carvalho wrestled Victor Valdes to the floor so that he couldn’t save the deciding goal. Exquisite.
Fave Prem player: Gianfranco Zola – he once waved at me whilst warming up as a sub too. Does that mean we are friends now?
Fave goal celebration: The Kevin Nolan chicken. Even more enjoyable when Andy Carroll is charging along behind trying to mount him.
Job: Producer. Recording incoherent drivel and seamlessly editing it to make the other three sound something close to human.
Fave football moment: Following the then Woy Hodgsons’s Black and White Army to Hamburg. Quite simply because the club has never done that well and to all intents and purposes they shouldn’t have – but did!
Fave Prem player: Eric Cantona – the seemingly black-belted Frenchman was an incredible footballer and didn’t take stick from anyone.
Fave goal celebration: ‘The Klinsmann’. There’s not a sweeter moment in sport than a cocky scorer attempting the beautiful dive on a dry pitch.
Job: Pundit. I chip in with stats I pretend weren’t stolen from newspapers. Harbour a sound Football League knowledge, which is never called upon.
Supports: AFC Wimbledon
Fave football moment: Earlier this year in a five-a-side match I hit a scorching left-footed half-volley across the keeper and into the top corner at the far post. My left foot is usually used primarily for standing on, and opening doors when my hands are full.
Fave Prem player: Matt Le Tissier – an old fashioned showman and the textbook example of a one-club man.
Fave goal celebration: Always a big fan of the “nice one, Jesus”, double-armed point and look to the heavens.