Hard Tackle: Michael Ballack mounts Paul Konchesky
Rob Parker | December 30, 2009
Ballack takes Konchesky up the Bridge
The west London derby got very heated thanks to the efforts of Michael Ballack. And you thought Chelsea were lacking penetration…
Germany’s World Cup squad need armed guards and bullet-proof vests if they fancy a stroll
Rob Parker | October 22, 2009
Hold on to your Ballacks. Frings are getting dangerous
The security team responsible for ensuring the safety of the Germany national team has warned that players will be expected to wear bullet-proof vests during next summer’s World Cup. While the garments will probably not be compulsory on the pitch, the squad will be expected to wear [...]
GIF It: Chelsea’s Michael Ballack tries to eat referee Tom Henning Ovrebo
Rob Parker | May 7, 2009
Benny Hill meets the Discovery Channel
Michael Ballack: part past his prime midfielder, part bear. Here he is chasing referee Tom Henning Ovrebo down the touchline after his appeal for a last-gasp penalty for handball by Samuel Eto’o was turned down. He genuinely seems to be very close to mauling the guy to death.
The ref is [...]
Top 10 conclusions Chelsea 1-1 Barcelona
Rob Parker | May 6, 2009
1. Yet again we are going to spend the aftermath of a big match talking about refereeing decisions rather than the football itself. Tom Henning Ovrebo had a bit of a nightmare. OK, a lot of a nightmare. In Barca’s defence, he reserved his worst decision for them - there is no way Eric Abidal [...]
Hard Tackle: Time for your prostate examination, Mr Ballack
Rob Parker | April 7, 2009
Ouch! Likes like that rectum
You know you are getting old when the doctor stops taking an interest in your Ballacks and is suddenly a lot more interested in your backside (nicked from Billy Connolly, I think!). Anyway, Michael Ballack was suddenly forced to consider his mortality after having a prostate examination foisted upon him by [...]
Video: Michael Ballack gets slapped by Lukas Podolski
Rob Parker | April 2, 2009
Bless you, Lukas
Hitting your team-mates is not a good idea. It tends not to make you too many friends in the dressing room. The exception to this rule is when the team-mate you decide to hit is Michael Ballack. Lukas Podolski stayed within the parameters we have just set out when he gave Ballack a [...]
Football video: Michael Ballack doesn’t take snowball attack in good humour
Rob Parker | February 9, 2009
[Insert your own 'Germans' + 'sense of humour' related gag here]
Did we say snowball? Better retract that on legal grounds. In the words of an angry Michael Ballack: “No, it was ice!” The Chelsea midfielder was conducting an interview Chelsea to commemorate his 100th game for the Blues when the sitting duck became too tempting [...]