Top five footballing candidates to become Prime Minister
1. Steve Kean
He has proven practical experience of tackling youth unemployment by offering jobs in Blackburn’s defence. Plus, the British public have already demonstrated that they love having a dour Scotsman at the helm.
2. John Terry
Move over, Nick Griffin, your bulldog spirit and embarrassing outbursts caught on camera will pale into insignificance next to the Chelsea skipper. His on-off relationship with the England captain’s armband should help him with Cabinet reshuffles.
3. Mike Ashley
Who said austerity measures have to end up in riots? Ashley has shown that you can over-achieve while tackling an economic deficit. He’s unlikely to win the popular vote though. In fact, he’s unlikely to win any vote.
4. Sir Alex Ferguson
Sure to appeal to UKIP voters, Fergie is the man if you want to get out of Europe quickly.
5. Harry Redknapp
‘Arry already has an in-depth knowledge of HMRC. Football fans on the south coast will confirm that he’s not party political and will happily veer between red and blue.