Top 10 reasons why Fernando Torres’ Chelsea goal-drought ended
1. He has been in goalscoring hibernation. He shutdown in October and had no intention of returning to normal duty until spring had sprung.
2. His hair hasn’t been blonde enough. The dry spell is down to his hair colourist, who has kept his hair far too dark since he arrived at Stamford Bridge. Nando was looking much more peroxide on Sunday and the return to his bleaching, erm, roots proved to be vital.
3. As the Chelsea supporters suggested, “he scores when he wants”. Robin Van Persie-style. He simply hasn’t wanted to score until now.
4. The sight of former Liverpool team-mate Paul Konchesky in the opposition defence was the timely confidence boost he needed.
5. Roberto Di Matteo’s diagnosis of a psychological problem was actually reverse psychology. Torres was so determined to prove that he wasn’t as mad as a hatter that he decided it would be easier to just score a couple of goals.
6. He was being bullied by Andre Villas Boas. The Portuguese manager was himself being bullied by the senior members of the Chelsea squad, so AVB took it out on Torres. His increasingly withdrawn manner on the pitch was only to be expected after months of AVB pinching his headband and monkey scrubbing him.
7. The prospect of falling behind Salomon Kalou in the pecking order was enough to focus his mind.
8. He had always intended for his 24-game battle to find the net to be turned into a dramatic television series, with Kiefer Sutherland taking the lead role.
9. He was taking winter break industrial action. Unhappy at the Premier League’s refusal to give him a couple of weeks off, he decided to withhold his goals between October and March.
10. He was playing against a Championship side.