Top 10 candidates to be the next Tottenham manager
1. David Moyes
The Evertonian Scotsman was seen as the obvious successor after a few moneyless seasons at Goodison. Started as odds-on favourite, but his price has drifted. While he might want a step-up, is he too much of a risk for Spurs chairman Daniel Levy? Bear in mind this man spent £8million on James Beattie.
2. Andre Villas-Boas
Getting rid of the old guard at Chelsea all went rather well, so OTP can’t see a problem in him taking over a first team squad including Heurelho Gomes, Scott Parker, William Gallas, Louis Saha, Carlo Cudicini, Jermaine Jenas, Rafael Van Der Vaart, Jermain Defoe, Steven Pienaar, Ryan Nelsen, Ledley King and Brad Friedel. All 12 will be 30 or over by the end of next season. But the Portuguese is still the new favourite.
3. Fabio Capello
OTP expected that if Fabio was to manage again it would be in Italy, but he’s surely a perfect fit? Aged 65, a face like a wrinkled scrotum, last managed in North London with a grasp on English that leaves so much to be desired you wonder if he can even communicate with his players. Meet Fabio Capello, Harry’s natural successor.
4. Rafael Benitez
As you like them so much, let’s deal in facts, Rafa. He lasted just four-and-a-half months at Inter Milan before being sacked after winning less than half his games. Prior to that he left Liverpool after being unable to provide Champions League football. Surely Harry can do that?
5. Roberto Martinez
Clearly this all depends on what Dave Whelan wants, but how exactly is Martinez being talked up for these big jobs? Even Paul Jewell got Wigan to 10th in the Premier League, and he still found the time to be in a sex tape where he ‘made love’(?) on the bonnet of a BMW. You’ll have to Google it, I’m not stupid!
6. Jurgen Klinsmann
A returning hero to the club he wowed on two separate occasions during the 1990s? He actually makes a good fit, and presumably his influence on Gareth Bale’s diving could potentially be worth up to five goals per season; enough to secure Champions League football.
7. Tim Sherwood
Oi, don’t laugh at the back. No, he hasn’t ever managed a side and surely has no chance of getting the job, but as assistant first-team coach he must have learnt some of ‘Arry’s wheeler dealer transfer tactics? And if Tim Sherwood can play for England (and he actually has) then anything is possible.
8. Jamie Redknapp
“Oh, I’m literally Harry’s son, Richard”. Having lost out to Gary Neville in the Sky Sports Blue-Eyed Boy award, Literally Jamie would be happy to get back into club football. And given his tepid, mediocre performances, maybe he could be the man to lead the club back to mid-table.
9. Arsene Wenger
He’s included only because SkyBet felt it necessary to provide him on their initial list with odds of 100/1. You could probably add an extra ‘0’ on that price, and still then can’t see Wenger doing a ‘Llebpmac Los’, otherwise known as the reverse Sol Campbell.
10. David Pleat
Has massive Spurs connections and would be more than happy to continue the tradition of Spurs’ managers talking faeces (reference available from ITV Sport for this fact). If for nothing else, Pleat needs the job to hear his pronunciation of players Benjani Khumalo and Souleymane Coulibaly in training. And it’s easy to maintain vehicle-based Sky Sports interviews when you’re driving at that speed.