Top five conclusions: South Africa 0-3 Uruguay
1. The euphoria of hosting a World Cup can only carry you so far. South Africa were really poor tonight.
2. Diego Forlan is a better footballer than we thought. We knew he could score goals, but he completely bossed the game this evening and weighed in with a great strike and a penalty.
3. Luis Suarez’s cotton wool-eating habit does get in the way of his football occasionally.
4. Pienaar and Dikgacoi is the most phallic-sounding midfield combination ever (although we would happily receive suggestions of other candidates).
5. Vuvuzelas seem to have a volume dial which goes down proportionality according to the number of goals conceded.