Top five ways to ensure some FA Cup third round romance
1. Make it compulsory for all teams to run out to Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On.
2. Swapping shirts will be banned in favour of swapping jockstraps at the end of third round matches.
3. Fans will be obliged to wave their lighters in the air throughout games. Or their matches throughout matches, if they prefer.
4. Fouls will be signalled through a seductive blast of the referee’s saxophone.
5. Floodlights will be dimmed throughout to add a more sensual atmosphere to proceedings.