Top 10 conclusions: Bayern Munich 4-0 Barcelona
1. This particular Champions League Houdini act looks like it will be beyond even the seasoned escapologists of Barcelona.
2. Dante’s peak was considerably higher than that of anyone in the Barca defence. Bayern dominated in the air.
3. Lionel Messi can claim to be fully fit all he likes – he clearly wasn’t.
4. Spending all that time hanging around Barca, it appeared that Arjen Robben had caught a nasty dose of passing.
5. Bayern tore up the stereotypes of Germans being serious and humourless by turning the centre circle into a paddling pool.
6. “Marc Bartra” sounds like the least pressing item on Bayern’s to-do list. He proved he’s the one Barca player that you needn’t bother marking at all.
7. Gerard ‘Samson’ Pique will be hoping that his special powers to hold the Barca defence together weren’t lost when he shaved his hair off.
8. We’ve always said that lineman was Thomas Muller’s best position.
9. Bayern keeper Manuel Neuer is now available with real-time German-to-English translation captions.
10. There were awkward scenes when Pique sought a comforting cuddle from Shaqiri after the defeat. Lucky that his breasts are small and humble.