Q: What's the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle United?

A: Alan Shearer will be on Match of the Day next season.

Ouch! That is the latest gag doing the rounds as if to confirm that, yes, Newcastle’s season has officially been a joke (as if you didn’t already know).

Meanwhile, you have probably seen the reports elsewhere by now that Shearer is banking on a gung-ho attacking approach to keep his side up. Hmm, Geordie Messiah favours score-one-more-than-you football… I think I’ve heard this one before!