Rant, rant, rant, rant, rant
Having intended to make a simple Top Ten feature out of this, it seems OTP is more grumpy than it first thought. To stop the blood from boiling, we have gone for a half today, half tomorrow approach. If any of these don’t annoy you, you’re either a saint or a psychiatrist.
Pundits forcing themselves inside the anus of Gareth Bale
Patrick Barclay writes for The Times. He is an intelligent man who generally has an impressive calmness when viewing our modern game. And then on November 2nd he tweeted: “Gareth Bale is the best player in the world (apart from Xavi, of course).”
Has the whole world gone effing mental. The Welshman has had two brilliant games against Inter Milan, but even with his ‘wonderful’ Premier League form, he has five goals and one assist, and at the time Barclay made his statement just two goals.
Ten months ago, only injury to Benoit Assou-Ekotto stopped Gareth Bale moving to Nottingham Forest. He is not world class yet (assuming he will ever be), and Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi would p*ss themselves if they read Barclay’s one-two.
For the record, this pair has shared 28 goals and 10 assists in La Liga this season.
Fans of Big Four clubs booing after one bad performance
When Chelsea went into half time 1-0 down to Sunderland at Stamford Bridge, I almost cried with anger. Is this how far they have come, with fans so plastic they make Barbie’s tits look natural?
Before that defeat, Chelsea fans had been disgustingly treated, with one defeat in 37 home games, including such dire scores as 6-0, 4-0, 4-0, 5-0, 7-2, 7-1, and 8-0. I know you have paid good money to watch the game, but that doesn’t give you a divine right to throw your toys out the pram when things don’t go your way. This is football, now man up.
‘Expert’ summarisers questioning offside decisions
Linesmen (I’m not calling them assistant referees or linespeople) have the hardest job in the game. Try, just for fifteen minutes, to do their job in a televised game. Bloody wears you out, never mind all the flag waving.
So to have a replay shown eight times in a studio, slowed down to three frames a second, to draw a line across the pitch, and still have the guy proven to get it right by about fifteen centimetres is nothing short of superhuman.
The answer from pundits: “ooh that’s close, he’s JUST got that one right”. I could kill someone.
Dreadful celebrations
I’m not talking about lame back flips, and certainly not the exploits of Icelandic side Stajrnan. Instead, the main culprits are the fingers up to the lips to shush the crowd and it’s opposite, the cupping of the ear to say you can’t hear the away support.
Are we to believe that some footballers get off on crowd noise whereas some crack off to silence? For the second group, I suggest local league football on a Sunday morning.
And Tim Cahill, you are not out of the woods after last season. Showing support to a friend in prison by miming handcuffs doesn’t show you off as a sensitive soul, but more an egoistical prick. Grow up and leave those corner flags alone.
Undisclosed transfer fees
This summer 26 players were bought by Premier League clubs without the fees being disclosed. If I am a season ticket holder then I would quite like to know how much my club has spaffed away on mediocre players (see Franco di Santo, Paul Konchesky, Malaury Martin et al).
It works the other way too. As a Forest fan, I want to know the exact amount of pennies we stole from the North East for James Perch, simply so I can laugh myself all the way to the metaphorical bank.
