The FA today publicly unveiled a new trophy to be awarded to the fourth placed finisher in this season’s Premier League.
The controversial announcement came just one week after Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger reacted to criticisms of his lack of silverware by suggesting that coming fourth was a ‘trophy’ in itself.
The beleaguered Frenchman appears to have made good on that statement by successfully applying pressure on the FA to introduce a shiny acknowledgment of the apparent achievement.
Speaking at the unveiling at Wembley, FA chairman David Bernstein talked the gathered press through the design of the new trophy.
He said: “Traditionally a fourth place position is marked with a relatively boring certificate of achievement. It’s like the one you get when you achieve a full-attendance at primary school, nothing flash.
“Wenger wanted something with ‘more bling’ so we’ve met him halfway and mounted the document in a golden frame from TK Maxx and popped on our receptionist’s bangle earrings to double as trophy handles.
“It’s amazing what you can do with sticky-back plastic. Big props to Pat Rice – his Design and Technology O-level really came in handy and his final touch of glitter sprinkles was the icing on the cake.”
Wenger’s insistence on presenting fourth place as a legitimate trophy was reinforced this morning by Islington Council’s confirmation that an open-top bus parade had been planned for late May.
Council events manager Tommy Pipkins explained his briefing from the Arsenal manager.
He said: “Arsene wants this done by the book – an exact repeat of the FA Cup winning celebrations back in 2005. Same route, same bus and ideally the same personnel.
“Robert Pires, Freddie Ljungberg and Patrick Viera should all make an appearance.”
In a bid to provide the inaugural “Fourth Place Trophy” with an authentic cup feel, the Gunners have reportedly recorded a cup song to be released in the final week of league games.
Details are sketchy, but leaked audio of Thomas Vermaelen singing Whitney Houston track Didn’t We Almost Have It All indicates a very self-aware song choice.
