[caption id="attachment_25775" align="alignnone" width="570" caption="Robin Van Persie... or is it?"]
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Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger says he will not be spending anymore money this summer even if Robin Van Persie leaves for Manchester United, as expected.
Instead the Frenchman is to raid the depths of his bathroom cabinet in order to replace his skipper.
Wenger explained: “We always had in the back of our minds that Olivier Giroud would have a passing resemblance to Robin over a distance of 50 metres or so.
“We’re proposing that Olivier dabs some talcum powder around his temples before each match to help him to truly replace Robin. We’ll also provide all the hair gel Olivier needs to look the part, and we’ll bring in a very creative member of the under-13 team to style his flick on matchdays.
“I hope the fans will trust me when I say that they won’t even notice that Robin is missing.”
Wenger added that at 44p, a 300ml tub of Tesco Wet Look Gel represented excellent value in the current transfer market.
Giroud himself is confident he can fill Van Persie’s shoes.
He said: “Normally I prefer le mohawk, but if the manager tells me I need to flick my hair up at the front and look like an overgrown teenager, I’ll do whatever is necessary to fit into the system.
“I was prepared to have the grey highlights put in, but Mr Wenger said he didn’t want to upset my missus so soon after moving country. I’m sure the talcum powder will be adequate.”
Image: SurfGuard
